Aug 3, 2009 | Budget Planning, Day-of Coordinating, etiquette, wedding planning, Weddings
"Shall we tip the limo driver?" Photo by Happy Buddy PhotoArt.
I get asked sometimes about tipping wedding or party vendors. Now, I’m not an etiquette expert, but here is what I know. My rule of thumb is that it is never wrong to tip someone if they have provided you with exceptional service. If someone goes above and beyond the call of duty, you will never be wrong to show your appreciation in a tangible way. For most vendors, however, tipping is still optional.
There are some exceptions to that last rule, however. Food servers, hair stylists, and drivers are some of the people whom it is customary to tip. Your catering contract probably includes a gratuity. If so, then you have already tipped the staff. If you want to show further appreciation, you may, but it is not necessary.
If your stylist or limo driver is also the owner of the company, then it is not customary to tip, because they already have the full benefit of the payment you are making. I heard recently about a hair stylist who works for herself. She was going to charge $150 for a simple updo and then wanted an 18% tip on top of that. I recommended to the bride-to-be that she find a different stylist, as in that case the tip is a form of highway robbery.
I understand that it is also not customary to tip musicians. But the first rule still applies: Anyone who gives exceptional service might merit a reward. But don’t stress over tips. Most independent contractors don’t expect them and they are a very pleasant surprise if you do give one.
Jul 25, 2009 | Eco-Friendly Events, Weddings
I ran across this blog post and thought it was of interest: http://greenfloristchicago.com/green-wedding-tip-3/. Turns out there is a lot to think about when planning an eco-friendly wedding. By the way, I second the author’s comment about vintage jewelry. There is nothing quite as special as wearing an heirloom ring.
Wedding rings. Photo by MWD Photography.
Jun 29, 2009 | Day-of Coordinating, Family Parties, Weddings
The guests get the gorgeous place setting. Photo by Carasco Photography.
So, your photographer, your DJ, and your day-of coordinator all gave you contracts saying that you have to feed them dinner during your event. Fair enough. Now, how do you manage this? A surprising (to me) number of my clients insist that I sit at a table with their guests and eat dinner while everyone else is eating. As much as I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know the family and friends of my clients, this is not always the smoothest way to handle the situation. Your other vendors have their own schedules and interests, but for the coordinator, during dinner is often a busy time. I may be able to eat just one bite of food before I need to jump up and do something, like find the best man for a toast or remind the caterer who has ordered a vegetarian meal. This can be disruptive to the other guests at the table, or at least surprising.
I would suggest that you set aside a small table near the kitchen or in the back room for your vendors and inform the catering manager that he or she should ask the vendors for the most convenient time to serve them dinner. For me, once the serious dancing gets underway, I finally have time to sit down for a moment and eat. The DJ may need to eat during the guests’ dinner. The photographer may hardly have a moment to sit down at all but will eat when she can.
The most important thing is communication. Talk to your vendors and to the person in charge of serving. You can save yourself many headaches this way.
Jun 15, 2009 | wedding planning, Weddings
Groomsmen prepare for the wedding. Photo by Carasco Photography.
You’re joining the ranks of adults by getting married. There are lots of new things to think about. One very important part of the planning process is how you work with your fiance. This applies to both brides and grooms.
A mistake some brides make is in how they deal with their fiancé in the wedding planning process. Some men like to have a hand in the process and others do not. My experience is that the way you work together on planning (or fail to work together) sets a pattern for your married life. Once the wedding is over, you will be planning everything in your lives together. This is a wonderful time to get used to the idea. That is not to say that you must compel your fiancé to take part. Rather, be the grown-up and talk to him about your hopes, your expectations, and your wants. Ask him how he sees himself participating in the planning. If he says, “I just want you to be happy. Do what you want,” then you know that you only need to keep him informed along the way. But you may be surprised about what he says. Keep the discussion going if it is productive, and begin planning together the adventure that is your lives.
An unfortunate number of grooms don’t think much about the wedding planning process, even though it affects them tremendously. If you are about to marry the woman of your dreams, be sure to talk to her about how that is going to happen. Don’t assume that she wants to do it all herself. Wedding planning is a long, complex, sometimes difficult process, and your bride-to-be will need your support, at the very least. You may even have skills and connections that will make the planning easier. Talk to each other and figure it out. This is what adults do, after all.
Jun 8, 2009 | Day-of Coordinating, wedding planning, Weddings
The sweetheart cake atop the stand full of mini-cakes
You know how they always say that you should hire a day-of coordinator for your wedding, just in case something happens? Well, here is what happened this weekend:
It was a beautiful June Saturday in Chicago. Gospel Fest was in full swing downtown, along with the Printers’ Row Book Fair and a soccer game. I think there may have been at least one baseball game, as well. I was the coordinator at a morning wedding at the Columbus Park Refectory, with the reception at Adobo Grill in Wicker Park. The bride’s home, where she and her bridesmaids were dressing was in Melrose Park. All these places are located along the notorious Eisenhower Expressway, a highway that I have personally seen jammed at all hours on every day of the week.
The day began well, with the rental chairs showing up early for the ceremony. The florist, however, was late. I called him and he said he was 10 minutes away at the bride’s home, dropping off the personal flowers. 45 minutes later, he showed up to decorate the ceremony venue, apologizing profusely and saying that traffic was very slow on the highway. He arrived about 10 minutes before pre-ceremony photos were to be taken–except that the bridal party’s limo had not yet shown up. He got the flowers and ribbons in place and sped off to the reception venue. The limo arrived (just a little late), dropped off the bridal party, and went back for the bride. Photos were taken. Guests arrived. Boutonnieres were pinned. I began locating everyone for the processional.
The bride, however, was nowhere to be seen. After the time the ceremony should have begun, she sent a text message from the road to say that they were on their way. A while later she sent another to say that they were close by. And then another to say they were stuck in traffic and not moving. Finally, a full hour after she had expected to arrive, the limo pulled up. She got zipped into her dress in about 3 minutes flat and the processional began.
Every detail was planned. The flowers even matched...
At that point, I hurried off to the reception location. Oddly enough, I had no problems with traffic. Someone has to live the charmed life, I guess. I arrived at the restaurant about 45 minutes after I had planned to be there. The florist and baker had been there and made things beautiful. The restaurant staff had everything properly set. But the DJ wasn’t there. I called him and he was (surprise!) stuck in traffic. He ended up getting there about an hour late. Meanwhile, the guests were arriving for the reception, and the restaurant manager was keeping them out of the party room until everything was set. With the help of the restaurant staff, we loaded in the DJ and got him set up in about 10 minutes so that when the guests walked in, music was playing and no one ever knew what a mad scramble it had been to make everything perfect. Fortunately, I was on the spot and could make it easy for the DJ to get in and set up.
...the bride's purse!
The party began: appetizers, drinks, music, conversation. But the bridal party had gone downtown to the lakefront to take photos. (You can guess where this is going, right?) Two full hours after the guests arrived, the bridal party got to the reception. Some of the guests had actually left by that time. Instead of having 3-1/2 or 4 hours for a reception and for all the elements the couple wanted to include, we had to jam it all into about 2 hours: first dance, dance with parents, cake cutting, bouquet toss, garter toss, toasts, not to mention giving the bride and groom an opportunity to greet their guests. The whole schedule had gone out the window. I had to improvise a new one and get everything done before the guests left. We got it all in, but it took some quick thinking on my feet.
The whole day was like that: The schedule we had worked on so carefully became suddenly useless and I spent the day making up a new one on the fly. At the end of the day, the bride told me that she was very, very pleased with how the day had gone. I felt like I had really earned my keep that day. I had been hired as insurance, just in case, and when things did go wrong, I kept the day on track.
Mar 14, 2009 | wedding planning, Weddings
Beaming bride and her proud papa. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.
A wedding is a time of many transitions. One of them that you might not expect is the transition from being perceived as a youngster to being perceived as one of the grown-ups. You may find this change most perceptible from your own parents. For all you may have lived on your own and paid your way for years, your parents–bless their hearts–still think of you as their little girl or boy. But when you get married, you join the ranks of the adults.
This circumstance can sometimes make wedding planning challenging, but that also means that planning your wedding is a good time to practice your adult skills.
This post will talk about dealing with your parents. Future posts will be about your fiance and your wedding party.
If your parents are paying for any part of your wedding, sit down and talk to them before you begin planning. Remember that, while you may never be your parents’ equal, you are dealing with them now as one adult to another. This may take some practice, so don’t be surprised if you can’t change your behavior all at once. Talk to them about who gets to make the decisions about the wedding. If they insist that they get to make the decisions because they are paying, think about what that means for you. It might be necessary for you to decline the offer of payment if it is important to make plans that are different from theirs. It is more likely, though, that you can explain to them what you would like to do and ask them to help you to have the wedding you want. Some parents will be satisfied as long as certain things go their way. Others will want to take charge of a certain element. One way to make everyone happy is to give your parent or parents complete control over something you don’t care about much but that will make them happy. Be reasonable, and they will probably make an effort to do the same. If your ideas are very different from theirs, remind them gently but firmly that this wedding is for you and your fiancé. You want to honor them, as well, of course, but the wedding is for you. Demonstrate to them that you are an adult and capable of making good decisions by your behavior toward them so that they can trust your choices, even if they disagree.
There are a lot of things to think about as you get married, but none is more important than the people you care about. Your parents are important people and this is a good time to strengthen your relationship with them.
Recent Comments