Becoming the Grown-up (Part Two)

Groomsmen prepare for the wedding. Photo by Carasco Photography.

You’re joining the ranks of adults by getting married.  There are lots of new things to think about.  One very important part of the planning process is how you work with your fiance.  This applies to both brides and grooms.

A mistake some brides make is in how they deal with their fiancé in the wedding planning process. Some men like to have a hand in the process and others do not. My experience is that the way you work together on planning (or fail to work together) sets a pattern for your married life. Once the wedding is over, you will be planning everything in your lives together. This is a wonderful time to get used to the idea. That is not to say that you must compel your fiancé to take part. Rather, be the grown-up and talk to him about your hopes, your expectations, and your wants. Ask him how he sees himself participating in the planning. If he says, “I just want you to be happy. Do what you want,” then you know that you only need to keep him informed along the way. But you may be surprised about what he says. Keep the discussion going if it is productive, and begin planning together the adventure that is your lives.

An unfortunate number of grooms don’t think much about the wedding planning process, even though it affects them tremendously. If you are about to marry the woman of your dreams, be sure to talk to her about how that is going to happen. Don’t assume that she wants to do it all herself. Wedding planning is a long, complex, sometimes difficult process, and your bride-to-be will need your support, at the very least. You may even have skills and connections that will make the planning easier. Talk to each other and figure it out. This is what adults do, after all.