Jul 20, 2020 | wedding planning
This table has insufficient distance between the guests, but it’s about as large a crowd as you can count on right now.
My last post was all the reasons why I recommend against having a wedding celebration right now. I’ve even racked up a few new reasons since then. But I realize that not everyone is going to take my advice. If you are going ahead with your planning, here are some things I think you should think about.
As I said last time, if you’re planning a wedding under the current conditions, it’s going to require some extra work. But it’s not entirely impossible. There are things you can do if you are serious about keeping everyone safe at your pandemic wedding. If you’re the host of the party, it is up to you to set the expectations for the behavior of your guests. You can communicate your expectations to your guests in your invitations, on your wedding website, and with follow-up communications to everyone.
It doesn’t have to be deadly serious, either. Keep it light by reminding everyone that the theme of your wedding is Safety First or Love at a Distance. You can probably come up with something a lot cuter than I can right now. Just be sure that whatever you say, you repeat it a lot so that everyone knows that you’re in earnest and they can’t laugh it off. You also have to be the first ones to practice what you preach, no exceptions. (Does this sound hard? It is.)
If you want your guests to wear masks, then supply them with masks, and be prepared to wear them, yourselves. Put your names and wedding date on them. Get them to match your décor. Give out prizes for dedicated mask wearers. Make it easy and fun for your guests to wear masks.
You can also designate someone to be the mask-and-social-distancing monitor. They can make regular announcements to remind everyone of the rules. People are bound to forget to stay distant from people they haven’t seen in a long time. Make sure there is someone there to remind them to back away. It’s not a disaster if people are close to each other for a few minutes, but if they are not reminded, they will forget and stay there for longer than is safe. Again, make sure to keep it light: Give your monitor a sparkly magic wand and have them remind people about the wedding’s theme. Or hand out stickers that say, “I can see your nose!” Once again, you can probably come up with something much better!
The biggest thing to think about as you plan is going to be (oddly enough) the arrangement of the furniture. The locations of tables and chairs is going to be the most important thing that will keep your guests at a safe distance from each other. The ground plan is sometimes created by your caterer, sometimes by the venue, and sometimes by your planner. You’ll have to make sure that all three of those professionals are on the same page regarding safety. If you don’t see furniture spread out in a safe and sensible fashion on the first draft of the ground plan, don’t hesitate to ask for revisions.
Before the wedding, be sure to ask your guests, in all seriousness, to stay home if they are ill, if they have been exposed to someone who is ill, or if they have any question at all about the wisdom of their attendance. Naturally, people will want to be there and they don’t want to disappoint you. It will be up to you to let them know that you would rather they stay home if it is safer. Also, keep in mind that it could be someone very close to you who needs to stay home. Make up your mind now to be prepared for that disappointment. In the long run, it’s just not worth it.
You also might have to be prepared for some of your guests to decline to attend if they don’t believe it is safe for them. Please be understanding and don’t pressure anyone to be there if they believe it would be a bad idea for them.
The other really hard thing to be prepared for is that between now and the day of your wedding, things are very likely to change. Just today, the mayor of Chicago announced some new restrictions on various businesses. So far, it doesn’t affect weddings much (except that make-up services are no longer permitted), but at any time the mayor or the governor could change the rules. You might be planning for 50 guests only to find out that there is a maximum limit of ten guests by the time you arrive at your date.
It’s not all bad news. I recently learned about a very fun option that a local DJ company is providing: They suggest that you have a small wedding ceremony with your closest family and a few friends, have dinner with them, end the in-person celebration there, and then carry on with a virtual dance party that they can provide for all your friends and relations. This seems like a safe, sensible, and fun option.
I haven’t changed my mind about the wisdom of having parties right now, but if you want to go ahead, please consider all these things as you plan. It is definitely extra work to try to have a safe celebration right now.
Jul 9, 2020 | wedding planning
Photo by The Still Life Photography
There are definitely legitimate reasons for people to need or want to get married right now, pandemic or no pandemic. And I can’t make that decision for you, either now or in the foreseeable future. All I can do is share with you the pitfalls of pandemic weddings that I am hearing about—and there are quite a few!!
There has been a certain lack of clarity within the wedding industry in Illinois about what is permitted and what is not. Not that the rules aren’t published: They are available right now. But there is a lot of questionable information also being spread around. Here are the basic rules that affect you, your guests, and your vendors:
Capacity restrictions: Venues can host 50 people OR 50% of room capacity—whichever one is the LOWER number. So, if your venue can hold 300 people, then the maximum number of guests is 50. If your venue can hold 50 people, then the maximum guest count is 25. There are no circumstances under which you can have more than 50 people gathering indoors right now. On the bright side, the capacity number does not include staff, so you don’t have to count servers, bartenders, officiant, photographer, videographer, or planner in your maximum number.
Guest behavior: Guests are required to wear masks unless they are actively eating a meal. Guests who have symptoms of illness should stay home. Everyone should stay at least six feet away from anyone they don’t live with, at all times.
Venue considerations: Signage with the rules for guests should be displayed prominently. People seated at tables still need to be six feet from anyone they don’t live with. You can’t have a dance floor. Entrances, exits, restrooms, coat rooms, and similar congested places need to be considered when finding ways to maintain distance among the guests.
There are also other guidelines in place that govern how food service is handled (especially buffets) and best practices for live performance.
I have to be honest with you: When I look at all the restrictions in place, I think that any event that follows all the rules is not going to resemble our idea of what a wedding should be. And that’s exactly where the list of problems starts: People are desperate for some kind of normal social life and for joyous occasions, even if that means risking their health and the health of everyone around them.
I’ve been hearing the stories from my fellow wedding vendors about the weddings they have worked at in the last few weeks since it became possible again, and I am not encouraged by what I am hearing. Between the aforementioned desperation and any amount of alcohol, it seems that most people stop taking mask-wearing and distancing seriously in no time at all. And this is one of the biggest hurdles to having a safe wedding in these times: People are not necessarily going to follow the rules that are in place for their protection.
There are other pitfalls on the road to your pandemic wedding. One problem I’ve been hearing a lot about is that venues sometimes claim that you can have more than 50 guests. They generally try to justify it by claiming that the rule is 50% capacity. Venues that are also caterers want to have a larger capacity because that brings in more income for them. Unfortunately, that’s not what the rule says. If you have any questions about the capacity claim your venue is making, I recommend calling the local health department where the venue is located and asking them if the representations being made by the venue are correct. The health department is the final arbiter on this subject and they will be sure to set everyone straight.
Also, for weddings within the city of Chicago, there is now a 14-day quarantine order in place for people coming from locations where virus cases are increasing. If you have guests who live in Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, California, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, Nevada, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, or Utah (subject to change as events play out), they will need to stay indoors in one location for 14 days upon arrival in Chicago without contact with other people. So, if you want those people to be at your wedding, they will need to arrive two weeks before any festivities begin and not go anywhere once they get here.
So, can you have a wedding in these times? Yes, you can. Is it easy to do? No: It takes a lot of extra work. Is it going to be any fun? The jury is still out on this one. Should you have a 50-guest wedding right now? On balance, I’m going to say that it might not be a good idea, considering how much extra risk and work are involved.
I’ll leave you with this sobering thought: If anyone who is at your wedding (guest, vendor, or you and your spouse) tests positive for the virus within two weeks, everyone who was there is going to get a call from the health department telling them to quarantine for 14 days and get tested for the virus. At best, that is an inconvenience for 60 or so people. At worst, it could mean that many of your closest friends and family members could become ill and some could die. Is that a risk you want to run so that you can have a party? Only you can decide.
But if you were to ask my opinion, this is what I would say: If you want or need to get married right now, then get a marriage license, find an officiant, and have your closest family there (preferably outdoors) with everyone wearing masks and keeping a distance. Don’t have a party. Save the celebration for the happy future when we can once again crowd the dance floor, share a meal, and hug our friends without worrying. That day will come, and it will be worth celebrating.
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