Jul 7, 2009 | Budget Planning, Family Parties, wedding planning
One way to control costs at your event is by considering the beverages.
Non-alcoholic beverages are relatively inexpensive and may be included in your food package. Bar service can either be very expensive or relatively inexpensive, depending on your venue and the way you procure it. Many venues have bar packages: beer, wine, and soda; mid-price open bar; and top shelf, among others. I have not generally found that it is possible to negotiate these prices with a venue that has standard pricing. But, if you are on a budget, the beer, wine, and soda option is generally affordable. If you’re on a really tight budget, you might have to forego alcohol entirely, or just do a champagne toast. One way to liven up a beer and wine package is to add a signature cocktail to the package. This can often be done without a large additional cost.
Champagne toast. Photo courtesy of Artisan Events. Inc.
If your venue allows you to provide the alcohol, you have even more options. The least expensive of these is to purchase the alcohol yourself at a liquor store. Be sure to choose a store with good prices that allows returns of unopened bottles. This option also gives you maximum flexibility in your choice of what to serve. There are even a few liquor stores that provide event service. They will sell you the liquor, deliver it to the venue, provide glassware at no extra charge, and pick up anything left the next day to give you a refund or credit. These establishments are becoming a rarity, however, so don’t be surprised if you need to do the heavy lifting yourself.
One thing I do not recommend for keeping costs under control is to have a cash bar. As the host of the party, it is your job to provide food and drink. If your resources dictate a limited supply of alcohol, your guests will live with the restriction. The quantity of alcohol served is not a measure of how good the party is. Serve what you can afford and you will have enough left over to do whatever else is important to you at your event.
Jun 29, 2009 | Day-of Coordinating, Family Parties, Weddings
The guests get the gorgeous place setting. Photo by Carasco Photography.
So, your photographer, your DJ, and your day-of coordinator all gave you contracts saying that you have to feed them dinner during your event. Fair enough. Now, how do you manage this? A surprising (to me) number of my clients insist that I sit at a table with their guests and eat dinner while everyone else is eating. As much as I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know the family and friends of my clients, this is not always the smoothest way to handle the situation. Your other vendors have their own schedules and interests, but for the coordinator, during dinner is often a busy time. I may be able to eat just one bite of food before I need to jump up and do something, like find the best man for a toast or remind the caterer who has ordered a vegetarian meal. This can be disruptive to the other guests at the table, or at least surprising.
I would suggest that you set aside a small table near the kitchen or in the back room for your vendors and inform the catering manager that he or she should ask the vendors for the most convenient time to serve them dinner. For me, once the serious dancing gets underway, I finally have time to sit down for a moment and eat. The DJ may need to eat during the guests’ dinner. The photographer may hardly have a moment to sit down at all but will eat when she can.
The most important thing is communication. Talk to your vendors and to the person in charge of serving. You can save yourself many headaches this way.
Jun 15, 2009 | wedding planning, Weddings
Groomsmen prepare for the wedding. Photo by Carasco Photography.
You’re joining the ranks of adults by getting married. There are lots of new things to think about. One very important part of the planning process is how you work with your fiance. This applies to both brides and grooms.
A mistake some brides make is in how they deal with their fiancé in the wedding planning process. Some men like to have a hand in the process and others do not. My experience is that the way you work together on planning (or fail to work together) sets a pattern for your married life. Once the wedding is over, you will be planning everything in your lives together. This is a wonderful time to get used to the idea. That is not to say that you must compel your fiancé to take part. Rather, be the grown-up and talk to him about your hopes, your expectations, and your wants. Ask him how he sees himself participating in the planning. If he says, “I just want you to be happy. Do what you want,” then you know that you only need to keep him informed along the way. But you may be surprised about what he says. Keep the discussion going if it is productive, and begin planning together the adventure that is your lives.
An unfortunate number of grooms don’t think much about the wedding planning process, even though it affects them tremendously. If you are about to marry the woman of your dreams, be sure to talk to her about how that is going to happen. Don’t assume that she wants to do it all herself. Wedding planning is a long, complex, sometimes difficult process, and your bride-to-be will need your support, at the very least. You may even have skills and connections that will make the planning easier. Talk to each other and figure it out. This is what adults do, after all.
Jun 8, 2009 | Day-of Coordinating, wedding planning, Weddings
The sweetheart cake atop the stand full of mini-cakes
You know how they always say that you should hire a day-of coordinator for your wedding, just in case something happens? Well, here is what happened this weekend:
It was a beautiful June Saturday in Chicago. Gospel Fest was in full swing downtown, along with the Printers’ Row Book Fair and a soccer game. I think there may have been at least one baseball game, as well. I was the coordinator at a morning wedding at the Columbus Park Refectory, with the reception at Adobo Grill in Wicker Park. The bride’s home, where she and her bridesmaids were dressing was in Melrose Park. All these places are located along the notorious Eisenhower Expressway, a highway that I have personally seen jammed at all hours on every day of the week.
The day began well, with the rental chairs showing up early for the ceremony. The florist, however, was late. I called him and he said he was 10 minutes away at the bride’s home, dropping off the personal flowers. 45 minutes later, he showed up to decorate the ceremony venue, apologizing profusely and saying that traffic was very slow on the highway. He arrived about 10 minutes before pre-ceremony photos were to be taken–except that the bridal party’s limo had not yet shown up. He got the flowers and ribbons in place and sped off to the reception venue. The limo arrived (just a little late), dropped off the bridal party, and went back for the bride. Photos were taken. Guests arrived. Boutonnieres were pinned. I began locating everyone for the processional.
The bride, however, was nowhere to be seen. After the time the ceremony should have begun, she sent a text message from the road to say that they were on their way. A while later she sent another to say that they were close by. And then another to say they were stuck in traffic and not moving. Finally, a full hour after she had expected to arrive, the limo pulled up. She got zipped into her dress in about 3 minutes flat and the processional began.
Every detail was planned. The flowers even matched...
At that point, I hurried off to the reception location. Oddly enough, I had no problems with traffic. Someone has to live the charmed life, I guess. I arrived at the restaurant about 45 minutes after I had planned to be there. The florist and baker had been there and made things beautiful. The restaurant staff had everything properly set. But the DJ wasn’t there. I called him and he was (surprise!) stuck in traffic. He ended up getting there about an hour late. Meanwhile, the guests were arriving for the reception, and the restaurant manager was keeping them out of the party room until everything was set. With the help of the restaurant staff, we loaded in the DJ and got him set up in about 10 minutes so that when the guests walked in, music was playing and no one ever knew what a mad scramble it had been to make everything perfect. Fortunately, I was on the spot and could make it easy for the DJ to get in and set up.
...the bride's purse!
The party began: appetizers, drinks, music, conversation. But the bridal party had gone downtown to the lakefront to take photos. (You can guess where this is going, right?) Two full hours after the guests arrived, the bridal party got to the reception. Some of the guests had actually left by that time. Instead of having 3-1/2 or 4 hours for a reception and for all the elements the couple wanted to include, we had to jam it all into about 2 hours: first dance, dance with parents, cake cutting, bouquet toss, garter toss, toasts, not to mention giving the bride and groom an opportunity to greet their guests. The whole schedule had gone out the window. I had to improvise a new one and get everything done before the guests left. We got it all in, but it took some quick thinking on my feet.
The whole day was like that: The schedule we had worked on so carefully became suddenly useless and I spent the day making up a new one on the fly. At the end of the day, the bride told me that she was very, very pleased with how the day had gone. I felt like I had really earned my keep that day. I had been hired as insurance, just in case, and when things did go wrong, I kept the day on track.
Mar 19, 2009 | Budget Planning, Family Parties, wedding planning
Dinner is served! Photo by Carasco Photography.
After the location, food is probably your largest event cost. And many caterers will try to make sure that you spend at least half of your total budget on food. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. There are many ways you can keep your food and drink costs under control and still have a festive and hospitable event. We’ll look at food here and look at beverages in a future post.
Consider Day and Time
The easiest way to control costs is to consider time of day. Breakfast, brunch, and lunch are generally less expensive meals than dinner. I believe that this is as much a matter of social convention as of intrinsic cost, but you can still take advantage of it. A late morning or early afternoon wedding can be followed by lunch. An anniversary celebration can be a brunch party. For the early risers among us, breakfast celebrations are unusual and offer great menu options.
Depending on your event, you might also choose not to serve a meal, but to limit your food service to snacks. Be careful, though: Many caterers will give you the same price for heavy hors d’oeuvres as for a full meal. A traditional morning wedding used to be followed by punch and cake. You can use or elaborate on this tradition to have a nice, inexpensive party.
Choose Your Caterer Carefully
Quality food from an excellent chef. Photo courtesy of Artisan Events, Inc.
This leads me to my second easy way to control food costs, and that is your choice of caterer. In Chicago, there are the big downtown caterers and then there are the smaller outfits. The big ones are on the preferred vendor list of every venue in the city. Fortunately, some of the smaller ones have made it onto the lists of various venues, as well. If you can’t figure out with a little internet research which caterer falls into which category, ask an event professional. Personally, I have dealt with enough of each kind of caterer to know one from the other. The smaller caterers are more likely to be willing to work within your budget. They are also likely to have personal service and high quality food. As with any vendor, of course, check their references first and taste their food before you sign a contract and hand over a down payment.
Know Your Budget
One more very important thing you can do to control your costs is to have a fairly firm budget number in mind before you talk to a caterer. Every client I have ever told this to says, “But I don’t know what it costs.” That’s the secret: You tell the caterer how much you want to spend and it is up to them to come up with a menu within your budget. Don’t expect caviar on a frugal budget, of course, and do discuss your target budget number with any potential caterer. A good one will be able to tell you if what you are asking for is even reasonable. If you don’t go in with a budget number, they will start at the high end. You can make adjustments as you go along, of course, but it is easiest to start with your budget amount.
One way to think about your catering budget is to break it down into two (or three parts). First, consider how much per person you want to spend on food alone. Compare your per person price to what you might pay in a restaurant. At a highest-end restaurant, you could easily spend $100 per person for dinner, or more. But at a high quality neighborhood restaurant, you can get away with $40 per person. Of course, the prices at a restaurant also include a different kind of overhead from the caterer, but this gives you a way to start thinking about the costs.
Beautiful dessert. Photo courtesy of Artisan Events, Inc.
The second part of your catering budget is service–what you are paying for the chef, servers, and other kitchen workers. The most up-front caterers charge service per server per hour, and they will break this number down on your estimate. A less scrupulous practice is to charge service at a flat cost per guest. This method does not reflect the caterer’s actual expenses and may end up costing you more. A third method is to charge service as a percentage of food costs. If a caterer charges a flat rate per guest, consider looking elsewhere.
If you want to cut down on service costs, you might consider buffet service, which requires fewer people to give smooth service. On the other hand, caterers generally must provide more food for a buffet than for plated service, which might offset the savings provided by fewer servers. Talk to your caterer if buffet is an option for you and see if a buffet will offer you savings. It depends on a lot of factors: price of labor, price of food, number of guests, etc. A conscientious caterer can give you a comparison of the prices.
The third part of any estimate you receive may be rental charges, depending on your venue and your caterer. These charges should show up separately from food and service on your catering estimate. Caterers with large staffs will sometimes break out the rental list with prices so you can see what they expect you to pay. Most caterers will not do this, however, and if you want to compare the details, you may need either a rental catalogue and an Excel spreadsheet or the help of a professional. I have actually broken down rental costs for a client and compared them to the prices I would expect to pay to help her to see the true costs of the proposal. Rentals can be a substantial sum of money, so don’t overlook the necessity if you are at a venue that doesn’t supply everything you need. There are ways to control cost here, too, although not as many. You can rent flat linens, instead of glossy, and you can rent the least expensive china, silverware, and glassware. You can also shop around among rental houses for good prices. Be aware, however, that there are rental companies that offer good prices but substandard service. Get recommendations or references for rentals so you are not stuck with poor service.
Always start with your food budget number before you begin your shopping. You may have to revise this number as you get a feel for realistic costs, but don’t believe anyone who tells you that you can’t feed a crowd for less than $100 per person in food costs. If you are creative and are working with a flexible caterer, you can have a celebration to remember without breaking the bank.
Mar 14, 2009 | wedding planning, Weddings
Beaming bride and her proud papa. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.
A wedding is a time of many transitions. One of them that you might not expect is the transition from being perceived as a youngster to being perceived as one of the grown-ups. You may find this change most perceptible from your own parents. For all you may have lived on your own and paid your way for years, your parents–bless their hearts–still think of you as their little girl or boy. But when you get married, you join the ranks of the adults.
This circumstance can sometimes make wedding planning challenging, but that also means that planning your wedding is a good time to practice your adult skills.
This post will talk about dealing with your parents. Future posts will be about your fiance and your wedding party.
If your parents are paying for any part of your wedding, sit down and talk to them before you begin planning. Remember that, while you may never be your parents’ equal, you are dealing with them now as one adult to another. This may take some practice, so don’t be surprised if you can’t change your behavior all at once. Talk to them about who gets to make the decisions about the wedding. If they insist that they get to make the decisions because they are paying, think about what that means for you. It might be necessary for you to decline the offer of payment if it is important to make plans that are different from theirs. It is more likely, though, that you can explain to them what you would like to do and ask them to help you to have the wedding you want. Some parents will be satisfied as long as certain things go their way. Others will want to take charge of a certain element. One way to make everyone happy is to give your parent or parents complete control over something you don’t care about much but that will make them happy. Be reasonable, and they will probably make an effort to do the same. If your ideas are very different from theirs, remind them gently but firmly that this wedding is for you and your fiancé. You want to honor them, as well, of course, but the wedding is for you. Demonstrate to them that you are an adult and capable of making good decisions by your behavior toward them so that they can trust your choices, even if they disagree.
There are a lot of things to think about as you get married, but none is more important than the people you care about. Your parents are important people and this is a good time to strengthen your relationship with them.
Mar 6, 2009 | Budget Planning, Family Parties, wedding planning
When you are planning an event, one of your largest expenses will be the location. But there are lots of ways to have a beautiful event without spending half your budget on the venue. There are plenty of high-profile, downtown locations where you could drop five to ten thousand dollars just to walk in the door. You can take a look at those to get ideas, but then keep looking.
At the front door of The Grove in Glenview. Photo by MWD Photography.
My favorite place to start looking for inexpensive party locations is the local park district. And I don’t mean you should be stuck at the fieldhouse in the local park. Park districts often take over historical houses or other structures and rent them out to make a little extra money. In Chicago, there is the Berger Park Mansion or Promontory Point. Glenview has The Grove. In Wilmette, there is a very cute party room at Gillson Park. Sometimes you can get an even better deal if you live in the town where the park is located, or if you know someone who lives there who would be willing to co-sign the contract to get the in-town rate.
In the suburbs, there are also women’s clubs and community houses, especially in the older suburbs. Some of these are not cheap, but sometimes you can get a good deal. The women’s clubs often provide tables, chairs, white linens, china and silver. The style of the china might not be what you would choose, but having those items included in the rental saves you a bundle on renting them.
Another option is to go outside the city. If you are willing to move your event from Chicago to southern Wisconsin, there are halls available at a reasonable rate. There are also some venues in the distant suburbs that offer good deals.
If you want to stay in the city but have limited funds, try restaurants with party rooms. These rooms are often available at no charge. The restaurants make their money on the food and drink. Some restaurants can handle decorations, audio/visual equipment, and other special requests. Not all restaurants are suitable for a large wedding, but there are some that can even handle a complex event such as that.
Also, smaller museums, art galleries, and other arts organizations sometimes rent their spaces at reasonable rates. They do not always advertise widely, so you will have to do some research to find them–or ask a professional for advice.
And don’t overlook institutions you have a relationship with. Your church or synagogue, a cultural institution where you have a membership, or the arts organization you support may be able to offer you space at a reasonable price. Also, to save money, consider planning your event for an off day. Sundays are often less expensive than Saturdays, and if you can have your party on a weekday, you can often get a real bargain.
If you have no budget, of course you can always ask friends or family with a nice home to help you by letting you have your party at their home. This option depends entirely on your connections. But even if you don’t have friends with huge houses, you can still have a party or wedding for a reasonable price if you look a little beyond the easy choices. There are very nice locations within your reach.
Feb 27, 2009 | Budget Planning, Family Parties, wedding planning
Just because you are on a budget doesn’t mean you can’t have the event you want. It requires some extra work and maybe a few compromises, but you can still get married or have a bar mitzvah or throw the party for your parents’ anniversary and have a real celebration. Working on a budget is something I do a lot, so I’d like to share some of my insights with you.
It's about the money.
The first thing to do is to have an actual budget. This is sometimes an item that people put off, but I urge you to come up with a realistic budget as early in the planning process as you can. It will help to guide your choices as you plan your event. The main reason for procrastination, I think, is the simple fact that many people do not know how to go about preparing a budget. Here is my method:
Start with the total amount of money you are able to spend on the event. Be realistic about your ability to spend, including any contributions others have committed to making. It is not worthwhile to spend more on any event than you have. Unless your circumstances are unusual, it is not generally a good idea to go into debt for a wedding or other celebration. I also do not recommend spending everything you have for one day’s celebration.
Next, list all the things you intend to spend money on. Include everything you think you might need, and add a “just in case” category. For a wedding, your list might look something like this:
Band/musicians/DJ
Cake
Candles
Caterer/restaurant
Ceremony venue
Clothing
Contingency
Dish rental
Event planner
Favors
Flowers/décor
Furniture rental
Gifts
Guest directions
Invitations
Ketubah
License
Limo/transportation
Linen rental
Liquor/champagne
Menu
Officiant
Other rentals
Photographer
Place cards
Postage
Program book
Reception venue
Rings
RSVPs
Save-the date cards
Sound equipment
Table numbers
Tips
Unity candle or sand
Videographer
This is not to say that you have to include everything on the list. I don’t think I have ever worked on a wedding that spent money in each and every one of these categories. And some events require things that are not on this list. Pick the ones that pertain to your event and make a spreadsheet.
Now comes the hard part: Fill in a number next to each category and make sure the total does not exceed your total budget number. (Computer spreadsheet programs such as Excel make this job much easier.) But how do you know what number to put there? You will have to do some research. Talk to vendors and other professionals (such as an event planner). Poke around online to get a range of prices. Decide what things you can do yourself to save money and what things will require professional services. For example, you might make place cards and table numbers yourself at minimal cost, if you have the time. In a future post, I will take a look at some of the more difficult categories and consider ways to estimate and reduce costs in each.
The creative bride of this wedding made her own programs, place cards, and even her own flower arrangements.
Finally, if your cost estimate exceeds your resources, you will have to find places to cut. You may have to reconsider how you define what things you need and remove some categories, or you might have to make do with smaller quantities or lesser quality on some things. These decisions are not easy, but keep in mind that the most important thing about any celebration is now how opulent it looks but what happens between the people. If it’s a wedding, getting married is the most important thing that will happen. If it is an anniversary or birthday party, the important thing is to honor the ones who have reached a milestone. If you can manage a lavish entertainment in addition, consider it a bonus.
Jan 22, 2009 | wedding planning, Weddings
I am asked sometimes why someone getting married should hire a wedding planner. “Is there any reason I can’t do it all myself?” I’ve been asked. My answer to that question is, “Yes and no.”
Beautiful wedding day. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.
Yes, you can probably do all the planning yourself. Given enough time, a few basic organizational skills, and the ability to see the project through to the end–qualities just about everyone has–you can certainly plan your wedding by yourself. If you are a very busy professional who travels a lot, for example, or someone who feels overwhelmed by large projects, then you are a good candidate for a full-service planner. Don’t get me wrong: Planning a wedding is a very large job that will take a good amount of your time and attention for as long as you have to work on it. Most people find the process momentarily frustrating at times. At the same time, it can be very rewarding. You might even find that it is a lot of fun. I certainly think it is.
On the other hand, when it comes to day-of wedding coordination, almost everyone needs someone to do the job. In the past when brides were typically younger, the mother of the bride often took care of coordinating the day of the wedding. These days, most couples want to allow their families to enjoy the wedding day and not have to be the one to deal with the stress of the details.
And even if your wedding is simple and straightforward, if you hire a day-of coordinator, you are also hiring a professional consultant who can help you with the planning. Not all planners work the way I do, I’m sure, but when I am working with a couple, I tell them that once they hire me, they can call me or send me an e-mail any time if they need guidance or a vendor referral or just someone to bounce an idea off of. My function is to make sure that the day of the wedding goes smoothly, and that means that I start working toward that goal as soon as I am hired. If I can prevent costly mistakes or solve a problem months in advance, then I am doing my job as day-of coordinator.
Maybe you have been to a wedding and thought it all went so smoothly that there was no need for a coordinator. That is actually the highest compliment you can pay to a day-of wedding coordinator. From the point of view of the guests, it should all look effortless, and that means that someone has put all the details together into a beautiful wedding day.
Jan 5, 2009 | wedding planning, Weddings
This is me, doing what I do best as a day-of coordinator: sweating the details so my clients don't have to. Photo courtesy of Artisan Events, Inc.
If you have plans to get married this year, you are probably thinking–right about now–about hiring a wedding planner or a day-of wedding coordinator. If you’re getting married this year and are not thinking about any such thing, may I recommend that you do so before the best planners get booked up for the summer and fall seasons?
It’s not too difficult to hire a day-of coordinator. You will actually come up with more choices if you do an internet search for “wedding planner,” rather than “day-of wedding coordinator.” Any wedding planner worth her pay is also a day-of coordinator. Craigslist is another place to look. You can also place a free ad there for planners to respond to.
Once you have found a handful of prospects, it’s time to interview them. You can start with an e-mail, of course, but I don’t recommend that you hire anyone until you have met them in person. Sometimes this is impractical, of course, especially if you live in a different city from the one you are planning to marry in. In that case, be sure to have a detailed telephone conversation before signing a contract. Some of the things you may want to consider are: the planner’s experience and expertise; the planner’s personality and how it fits with yours; the kinds of ideas she or he can bring to the table; the fee charged and what you will get for what you pay.
Don’t necessarily think that the lowest price is the best deal. As with any vendor, you get what you pay for. Sometimes the person with the lowest price is the best one for the job, but other times someone with a very low price may not offer as many important services as someone who charges a little more. Get enough information on the services included in the fee so that you can tell the difference. Find out what the price range is by asking several coordinators. You don’t have to hire the most expensive one, but you will probably find one in the middle of the price range who has all the characteristics you want.
Before you hire, get references. Don’t just get names and phone numbers or e-mail addresses. Call those people or e-mail them and ask them questions about their experience with the coordinator. Ask them if they would recommend the person. Ask them if they think they got value for their money. Ask if there were any unresolved problems.
Finally, don’t pay anything until you have a signed contract with the coordinator. (This is actually good advice for hiring any vendor.) The coordinator will probably send you a contract, but don’t assume that this is a “take it or leave it” proposition. All contracts are negotiable. If there is a clause you think needs to be in the contract, ask to have it added. If you don’t like something, ask if it can be removed. You may have to give something in return, but it is always worth a try. Don’t be intimidated by legalese. If there’s anything you don’t understand, ask to have it clarified. And only sign the contract once you are sure you understand everything and agree with it. It takes some work, but it is always worth while to have a good contract in place. It protects both parties.
And once you have hired a wedding coordinator, keep them informed of your decisions. If they ask for information, get it to them as soon as possible. They are looking out for your best interests and need to know what you want and what you are doing so they can take care of all the details while you are busy getting married and enjoying yourself.
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