Jun 3, 2013 | Day-of Coordinating, wedding planning
I am asked sometimes why anyone should hire a wedding planner.
Beautiful wedding day. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.
After all, you can probably do all the planning yourself. With some time, a few organizational skills, and the ability to see the project through, you can plan your wedding by yourself. Of course, it is a large job that takes a lot of time and attention. Most people find the process momentarily frustrating. At the same time, it can be very rewarding. You might even find that it is a lot of fun.
On the other hand, when it comes to day-of wedding coordination, almost everyone needs someone to do the job. In the past when brides were typically younger, the mother of the bride often took care of the coordinating. Sometimes the Maid of Honor does all the work. These days, though, most couples want to allow their families and friends to enjoy the wedding day and not have to deal with the details.
Even if your wedding is simple and straightforward, if you hire a day-of coordinator, you are also hiring a professional consultant who can help you with the planning. When I am working with a couple, I tell them that once they hire me, they can call me or send me an e-mail any time if they need guidance or a vendor referral or just someone to bounce an idea off of. My function is to make sure that the wedding goes smoothly, and that means that I start working toward that goal as soon as I am hired. If I can prevent costly mistakes or solve a problem months in advance, then I am doing my job as day-of coordinator.
Also, I have resources that you might not have. Especially if your wedding is non-traditional or if you want to make sure it is environmentally friendly, I have access to vendors and other resources that you might not know about.
Maybe you have been to a wedding and thought it all went so smoothly that there was no need for a coordinator. That is actually the highest compliment you can pay to a day-of wedding coordinator. From the point of view of the guests, it should all look effortless, and that means that someone has put all the details together into a beautiful wedding day.
May 27, 2013 | Day-of Coordinating
The groom is ready with his attendants. Where is the bride? Photo by Happy Buddy PhotoArt.
I think my favorite wedding stories are about disaster averted. Okay, I’ll be honest: The stories I like are the ones where I get to save the day. Here is another one:
The guests were seated in the church. The bridegroom and groomsmen were all ready. The officiant was in place. Where was the bride?
Calling a bride’s cell phone is pretty unlikely to get you anywhere. Naturally, I gave it a try. Just as naturally, she did not answer.
Now, I generally ask my clients for contact information for at least two members of the bridal party, because I know that I will need it if this sort of situation arises. In this case, I had a phone number for the maid of honor, but she, also, did not answer her phone.
The other thing I always ask for is a list of the major players and close family members involved with the wedding. In this case, that information was invaluable. I knew that the bride’s brother was standing with the groomsmen. And I knew that the bride’s sister was with the bride. I asked the brother for the sister’s phone number, knowing that he would have it. She did answer her phone and was able to tell me what was going on and hurry the bridal party to the church.
Even with the delay, the processional started on time. And I think the groom worried a lot less, knowing that I was tracking down the bride!
May 20, 2013 | wedding planning
It looks as if they enjoyed their first dance. Photo by hannahelaine photography (hannahelaine.com).
I have noticed two distinct schools of thought among brides and grooms on the subject of the first dance at the wedding reception. There are those who say, “Hooray, we get to dance together on our wedding day!” And then there are those (probably in the majority) who say, “I just don’t want to embarrass myself.” If you are in the first camp, you probably don’t need to know the rest of what I am going to say. This is for the non-dancers.
First, let me remind you that the traditional first dance is completely optional. If you don’t dance in the rest of your life, there is no requirement that you dance at your wedding. It is the traditional way to let the guests know that the dance floor is open, but if you have a good DJ or dance band, they will find a way to get your guests onto the dance floor.
If you do opt to dance, there are ways you can manage to enjoy it. Dance lessons are a good start. At the very least, they will give you some confidence. A good instructor can also help you with various dance moves and with feeling comfortable on the dance floor. If you like, you can choreograph the steps to your dance (with the help of a professional, if needed) so you can practice it and feel sure you know what you are doing.
Another thing you can do is make sure that the song you choose for the dance is reasonably short. Two or three minutes is plenty of first dance. Actually, this is good advice for almost everyone. Unless your dance skills are at a professional caliber, the point of the first dance is not to entertain your guests but as a moment for the two of you. But since all your guests will be watching, keep it short and sweet. Everyone will enjoy it more that way.
Also, be sure to pick a song that you like and that has a good dancing beat. Not every song is meant for dancing, so choose carefully. Your DJ or band leader can help you, as can a dance instructor.
You should be able to enjoy all the elements of your wedding and reception, so if you’re nervous about dancing, find a way to make it fun.
May 13, 2013 | vendors, wedding planning
Toast & Jam, as they appear on their website.
I had the great pleasure of working with one of the many talented DJs at Toast & Jam recently. There are a lot of reasons why this company stands out from the many other DJ services in Chicago. We’re lucky to have a lot of talented companies and individuals here, so it’s not easy to stand out.
I think the first thing I noticed about T&J is that it is a woman-owned company, and most of the DJs are women. That is unusual, because most of those talented DJs I mentioned are men. I don’t know that gender makes a difference in the quality of the talent, but it certainly caught my attention just by being different.
I worked with Toast & Jam on a wedding where the bridal couple were extremely specific about the music they wanted and–more important–the music they didn’t want. The DJ worked with them patiently and creatively to come up with a playlist that made them happy. She kept the music flowing and to the taste of the bridal pair. It all looked easy, but if you knew what went on behind the scenes, it was very impressive.
There are a lot of good companies to choose from when you are looking for a DJ, but I know I am going to be recommending Toast & Jam a lot.
May 6, 2013 | etiquette, wedding planning
There's a happy wedding party. Photo courtesy of christytylerphotography.com.
I’ve been so delighted by reading Miss Manners on {Painfully Proper} Weddings by Judith Martin that I want to share another tidbit with you. Miss Manners has a little something to say about bridesmaids:
Bridesmaid abuse has become rampant…. The outrages…result either from tyranny on the part of the bride, or from the observance of an unwieldy accumulation of unauthorized but persistent customs that have made what ought to be a pleasurable duty of friendship into a social and financial burden….
The original point of having bridesmaids was that the bride would wish…to be surrounded by her closest friends. That a group of young ladies might add a decorative element to the ceremony, and that they might want to fuss over the bride a bit…, were merely delightful but incidental advantages….
Things have come to the point where bridesmaids’ appearance is as strictly mandated and inspected as if they were in boot camp and their kindnesses are no more optional than if they had been conscripted.
Miss Manners puts the case so well that it leaves me very little to add. I think the most important point to remember is that while there are a lot of customs regarding wedding attendants, it is most important to treat your friends with the courtesy and consideration appropriate to friendship. After all, you have probably known your bridesmaids longer than you have known your fiance, and it would be nice if they were still your friends after the wedding.
Apr 29, 2013 | Day-of Coordinating, wedding planning, Weddings
It all looks as if it is going smoothly. Only the planner knows for sure. Courtesy of sprungphoto.com.
Once in a while I have to toot my own horn. I have a story for you that is interesting and also answers that age-old question, “Why should I hire a wedding planner or coordinator?”
I worked on a wedding last year that was excessively well planned. The bride is, herself, an event planner and had everything organized down to the last detail. Someone with less experience than she had might have concluded that between her exceptional planning and the professional staff at the venue, everything would go smoothly. Maybe sometimes that is the case, but not here.
I won’t name the venue–to protect the guilty–but let’s just say that it is a medium-size place that is accustomed to large events. It’s the kind of place one might reasonably expect to know what it is doing when there is a large wedding on site.
Both the bride and I had expressed to them how important it was to set a sound level on their equipment for the recorded recessional music. I began asking the venue staff to set up the sound equipment soon after I arrived. Thirty minutes before the ceremony, the catering manager was still trying to set up his own equipment, and clearly didn’t quite understand how it functioned. I did manage to set a sound level before the guests were seated, but only barely.
Things went well for a while. The ceremony went off without a hitch, and the guests moved to the next room while the venue staff, the florists, and I turned the room over for the reception. Once the meal began, though, it became clear that the venue was under-staffed. No one poured wine at the head table, and it was hard to find a server. Not only that, but the venue manager disappeared. I simply didn’t see him after a certain time.
That meant that I became the point person for everything, even things I couldn’t possibly know. But that’s all right: I can find things out when I need to. I spent the rest of the wedding day answering questions and solving problems that should have fallen to the venue staff. The guests never knew anything was awry; even the bridal couple never knew. Only the bride’s mother and I were making sure that everyone else had a happy time.
The moral of the story is this: Good planning is very important, but no one can foresee everything. If you want your wedding day to go as planned, it is also important to have someone who is your advocate on hand to solve problems and smooth over difficulties.
Apr 22, 2013 | Eco-Friendly Events
With the increase of interest in all things sustainable, I’d like to re-run an article I wrote a couple of years ago on compostable disposables. Things have actually improved slightly on this subject, so here is an update:
Compostable disposables are a great idea for an eco-friendly party, right? Well, maybe.
Let me back up a minute. What is a compostable disposable? Well, plastic (like, for plates, cups, flatware, etc.) can be made from petroleum. That kind is definitely not compostable and you have to throw it out. Alternatively, plastic can be made from corn, and dishes and so on made from that kind of plastic are marketed as being compostable.
Technically, yes, it is possible to compost corn plastic. But the best authorities I can find (Smithsonian Magazine, for instance), say that it can only be composted in very hot, commercial composting facilities. Being curious about this claim, my husband and I tried some experiments, with the help of a friend who has a very good home composting pile. We took some cups and lids from my husband’s coffee roasting business to our friend. The cups were paper lined with a very thin layer of corn plastic. The lids were somewhat thicker plastic, but thinner than a plastic water bottle, and far thinner than a plastic plate.
The cups were shredded (with the assistance of the friend’s gentle pit bull) and put in the pile. The lids went in whole (since the dog wasn’t interested in them). In a reasonable amount of time (a few months, I believe), the paper and thin layer of corn plastic disappeared into the pile. So far, so good. Nine months later, we were back at the friend’s house, and she handed us a lid that had been in the pile for the entire time. It was intact, whole, undisturbed. Even her warm, active compost pile had not been able to digest even that much corn plastic. Apparently, it does take a hotter compost pile to compost them.
Here is the lid after sitting in a nice, warm, active compost pile for almost a year.
But where do you find a commercial composter that will take corn plastics? You can search for them at Find a Composter. There seem to be more commercial composting facilities now than there were three years ago when I first looked for them. You might find, however, that many facilities do not take composting materials directly from households. Fortunately, there are now composting services (such as Collective Resource) that can take your compostable materials and drop them off at a local commercial facility.
Are compostable disposables your best choice? Maybe. If you are throwing a party and want to keep it as eco-friendly as possible, you could use ceramic dishes. Rent them from a nearby rental house to reduce transportation waste. If you have to use disposables, also consider plain paper dishes. Paper is a renewable resource, like corn, and is much more compostable. And, as we discovered, paper cups lined with corn plastic are actually compostable, even in a home compost pile. If you need disposable utensils, consider using corn plastic and hiring a composting service. Actually, consider it, anyhow, so you know that the food waste will also be taken care of.
Composting food and utensils from a party is getting easier every year, but it still takes some extra thought. It’s encouraging how much progress has been made in three years.
Apr 15, 2013 | vendors, wedding planning
Spilled Ink Press, as they appear on their website.
The husband-and-wife team of Tony and Amanda is Spilled Ink Press. They are a small press with a big impact. Both trained as architects, they bring their design sensibilities to all sorts of paper products: invitations, thank-you notes, greeting cards, etc.
Not only does Spilled Ink do custom and semi-custom designs for all your paper goods, but they also have a dedicated eco-conscious focus. They make sure to purchase all the paper they use from sustainable and recycled sources and even make sure their designs use the paper as efficiently as possible.
For something unique and sustainable, look up Spilled Ink Press.
Apr 8, 2013 | Eco-Friendly Events, wedding planning
I mentioned this event a couple of weeks ago. The Great Wedding Recyclery is a chance for those who have extra wedding items to donate them to a good cause, and for those who need wedding items to find unique pieces at excellent prices. Think of it as a giant wedding garage sale.
This is a great opportunity to green your wedding–or your wedding business. Instead of throwing those things you don’t want out, make sure they get into the hands of someone who needs them. It’s also great for couples on a budget!
The Recyclery will be on Sunday, April 28 at Loft on Lake, 1366 W. Lake St. in Chicago. See the Chicago Green Wedding Alliance website for all the details.
Mar 31, 2013 | Budget Planning, DIY, wedding planning
If you hire a good planner, this is all you should have to think about on your wedding day. Photo by MWD Photography.
I’ve written a lot about do-it-yourself weddings lately, and here are my final thoughts (probably) on the subject. Should you plan and manage your wedding yourself? Yes–and no.
Most people can do much of the planning themselves. Hiring vendors is not difficult. You will probably also want to plan the decor yourself so that it reflects your taste. Of course, if you’d rather not handle all the details yourself, by all means, hire a wedding planner.
The place where a lot of people get stuck in the planning process is scheduling the wedding day and the logistics of making everything happen. It turns out that these are special skills. And so you will likely want to have a professional planner on hand. One of my favorite parts of this job is taking a tangled mass of good ideas and turning it into a usable plan. Actually, I really like seeing the smile of relief on my clients’ faces when I do that.
Even if you are able to do the scheduling and logistics yourself, actually managing what happens on your wedding day is another matter. I like to use a theatre metaphor to describe it: You are the star of the show; you can also be the director and the producer. But you need a good stage manager to make sure that you shine.
This might be predictable coming from me, but I have seen enough problems and near-disasters to know that it really does make a difference: Make sure you have someone with practical, hands-on experience managing your wedding day. Don’t try to do it yourself.
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