Jan 26, 2015 | wedding planning
This couple spent time alone in the woods after their ceremony. Photo by Allison Williams Photography.
There is a lovely Ashkenazi Jewish custom called yichud that I think every couple getting married could benefit from. Yichud translates roughly as “togetherness.” It is a time after the wedding ceremony–15 or 20 minutes–when the couple goes alone to a room and no one is allowed to intrude. You can find more on the tradition here, if you’re interested.
I think it’s a great idea at any wedding. At a lot of weddings, the bride(s) and/or groom(s) are so busy greeting their guests and taking part in all the events of the reception that they barely have time to look each other in the eyes and say, “Wow, we’re married now.” They also never have time to eat, so a little seclusion can do double duty, if the caterer is alerted in advance to the need for a plate of appetizers in the room.
At some weddings, a guard stands outside the couple’s room to keep everyone out. Sometimes this is a serious job if a guest thinks this would be a good time to hug the bride. More often, the guard is ceremonial–or sometimes humorous, armed with squirt guns or some similar thing.
Of course, not every venue has a room suitable for a little seclusion, but if your venue has a bride’s room or some other usable room, think about taking advantage of it. Make sure the room is available; account for the time in your wedding schedule; alert your caterer to the need for some food and drink; ask an usher or another friend or relative to guard the room; and you’re all set.
Jan 12, 2015 | wedding planning
Your officiant is a very important choice in wedding planning. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.
One of the most important decisions you will make when you are planning your wedding is who will officiate at the ceremony. After all, the ceremony is the main event and the officiant is a key participant. So, what are your options and how do you decide?
If you’re getting married in a religious institution, the officiant probably comes with the location. That is one way to make the decision easy. When the wedding is at the synagogue where you are a member, the rabbi is going to be there. When the wedding is at a church you think will be a great backdrop for your photos, the services of the local pastor or priest are probably offered, as well.
But what if you are getting married on the beach or in a back yard or at a cultural institution? Then there are lots of other options. You could ask the pastor of your church or your rabbi to officiate, or you could find a local religious institution that can send an officiant. You can hire an officiant or celebrant who specializes in weddings. You can ask a friend to get credentials and officiate at your wedding.
Each of these options has both advantages and drawbacks. Hiring someone for the occasion gives you a lot of flexibility and generally ensures professionalism, but it means you are working with someone who doesn’t know you. Asking a friend can make for a very personal wedding, but you have to also trust that the friend will do a good job. As with everything else in wedding planning, there are options and there are trade-offs. Think about what works best for you. And ask your planner or coordinator if you need help.
Dec 15, 2014 | etiquette, wedding planning
There's nothing "bridal" about this wedding. Photo courtesy of Artisan Events, Inc.
There are a lot of ways the word “bridal” is used at weddings. There is the “bridal party” and there is “bridal seclusion” and probably a lot of other bridal things. What if it’s the same-sex wedding of two men? The word doesn’t seem to make any sense, since there is no bride.
Is there another word that works as well? Well, we can say “wedding party” instead of “bridal party.” What if the pair have decided not to see each other until the processional? Is that “pre-nuptial seclusion”? I hope someone comes up with a good word before I do my next same-sex wedding!
Dec 8, 2014 | vendors, wedding planning
The cake design from Swedish Bakery echoed the invitation design for the wedding.
I’ve walked by the Swedish Bakery in Andersonville for years, but it was only this past summer that I had the pleasure of working with them on a wedding. I gave my clients the names of several bakeries, and they ended up having tastings at two of them, the second being Swedish Bakery.
I was able to join my clients at the tasting, so I saw first-hand how well the bakery works with clients. Not only were the cake and the frosting delicious (and, according to my clients, much better than the other bakery where they had a tasting), the bakery’s wedding specialist also did a great job helping my clients with the design process.
On the day of the wedding, everything from them went perfectly, too. They delivered on time and with the cake in perfect condition. And it was gorgeous! The cake itself tasted as good as the tasting cake, too. Everyone was happy with it.
You might pass over Swedish Bakery thinking that it’s an ethnic specialty shop, but, in reality, it is a bakery with a wide range of capabilities. Their wedding cakes are delicious and beautiful to look at. What more could you want?
Dec 1, 2014 | Budget Planning, wedding planning
There are restaurants that are suitable for wedding receptions. Photo by Johnny Knight.
Of all the places you could have your wedding reception, do you want to choose to have it at a restaurant? There are definitely pros and cons.
Of course, first, whether or not this is a good idea depends on what restaurant you choose. There are some that are very good at this caliber of event. There are some that don’t have the first idea what is required.
It also depends on your expectations. If you are having a quiet luncheon for 15 close family members, many restaurants are capable. If you want a full-blown wedding reception for 150 with a DJ and a dance floor, there are many fewer places that can handle that level of service.
One of the advantages of having your wedding reception at a restaurant is the possibility of saving money. Restaurants are often a less expensive way to cater a large party. They rarely have a room charge, or, if they do, it is nominal. They also provide tables, chairs, linens, dishes, glassware, and silver as part of their package. Because they own all the furniture and serving pieces, you don’t pay a separate rental rate for them.
What you often give up for the price is the high level of service that most wedding caterers provide. In my experience, wedding caterers are more responsive than restaurants. They can also be more flexible. They are accustomed to working with very demanding clients. A restaurant may or may not have those qualities. If you are thinking of having your reception at a restaurant, this would be a good thing to find out before you decide.
I worked on a wedding reception once where the bride didn’t receive any kind of contract or receipt from the restaurant after she made her payment. It was worrisome because she had specific contracts with all the rest of her vendors. The restaurant was completely above board and the reception went off without a hitch. They were just treating her wedding reception the same way they treated all of their reservations. They didn’t see the need for any more paperwork. That is not what you’ll find with a full-service caterer.
So, is it a good idea to have your reception at a restaurant? That’s up to you. I’ve worked at some wonderful restaurant receptions. I’ve also seen some of the drawbacks. Just be sure you know what you’re getting into before you make a commitment.
Nov 24, 2014 | wedding planning
Every detail requires decisions. Photo by Peter Coombs.
There is nothing like a wedding to bring out emotional reactions from your friends and family. For the most part, these are the happy, joyful emotions you want associated with your engagement and wedding. If only it were always that easy!
Sometimes, in their eagerness to help you or their complete happiness for you, a family member or close friend may start to insist that you “have to” do things at your wedding a certain way. I know many people who have had this experience. It generally comes from a place of love, but it is also not always appropriate.
So, what does this have to do with your wedding planner? One of the things I can do for my clients is help them to navigate through this emotional minefield. One the one hand, you want to maintain relationships with those who are close to you; on the other, you are planning your wedding, not theirs. I can give perspective on the situation and help you with a tactful answer.
For example, a client once had a family member who insisted that corsages had to be provided for the mothers. This demand arose two days before the wedding. I was able to, first, reassure my client that no etiquette expert gives a requirement for any such thing. I also pointed out that the florist had already put in the flower order for the wedding and it would be very difficult for her to produce two more corsages on short notice. With this information in hand, my client was able to explain to the family member why there wouldn’t be corsages. I believe there were no hard feelings and everyone was able to proceed to the wedding day happily.
I’ve had many similar situations, and I’m always happy to help my clients navigate through them. It isn’t always easy and there isn’t only one right answer in any situation. I am here to help figure out what the right answer is.
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