Jan 13, 2020 | wedding planning
A match made in heaven! Photo by Azuree Wiitala, www.xoazuree.com.
I’m in the matchmaking business. No, I don’t mean finding marriage partners for my clients. They are on their own for that part! But once they hire me to help plan their wedding (or other event), then I often have to do some serious matchmaking–between them and the right vendors.
Every time I meet with one of my clients, not only am I paying attention to the specific problem or puzzle we are working on that day (budget, schedule, decor, whatever), but I am also listening to how they talk about themselves, each other, and their interests. These are all clues I can use to find the right people for them to work with.
Because having the right vendors for your wedding is the key to things turning out the way you want them to. If your florist doesn’t quite get your vision or you find your photographer abrasive, already things are not going the right way. There has to be good communication between client and vendor, and often that means having a similar point of view or something else in common.
And I love it when the match turns out to be a good one. When I client emails and says, “That florist you recommended is so wonderful!” then I know I got it right. Or when I get a call from a vendor saying, “Thanks for the recommendation to your client. We had a meeting and we had so much in common.” Those are the things I like to hear.
And it’s not just that I know a whole lot of wonderful people in this business. I really do. But there’s one more step to the process you can’t see: I’m doing matchmaking in my head to be sure that the right people are working together.
Jan 6, 2020 | wedding planning
Really, it will all be fine! Photo by Beth Weiler Photography.
Here are some thoughts for those of you who are just starting to plan your wedding (and even for those who are well on their way). This is about one of the biggest pitfalls you may encounter as you plan, especially if you already have perfectionist tendencies. It’s about the wedding industry’s unreasonable love affair with the word “perfect.” This is my down-to-earth advice about the idea of a “perfect” wedding:
You don’t have to be perfect in order to get married. Especially if you’re a woman, remember that you don’t have to be perfect in order to Be A Bride. (The wedding industry really goes after women on the perfectionism thing.) If you’re a man or non-binary, you don’t have to be perfect, either. You just have to be yourself.
You don’t have to try to be someone else in order to get married, either. Your spouse-to-be wants to marry your authentic self. Your friends and family will be there because they love you as you are. You can be any version of yourself you want, but remember that you are good enough to get married.
Your wedding will be perfect in its own way, even if it is not exactly what you had envisioned. Chances are, it will be better than you thought possible (assuming you have planned halfway well), especially if you let things happen the way they happen and don’t try to control everything.
I want you to know that all this advice is coming from someone who truly understands perfectionism and control issues. I know all about it, and much more. And I know that it is possible to let go, and that it can be a good idea to do so. (It also helps if you have a person you trust running things so you can let go.)
Think about it this way: If you are going to stay married to the same person for the long haul, you are going to learn that there are things you just can’t control. (Trust me on this one!) Start practicing now to let go of the little things as you plan your wedding.
Plan well and think things through. Hire people you can trust to make things go smoothly. Have back-up plans in place. Then, hand it all over to the person who is coordinating the day for you, and let it go. As long as you end up married to the right person at the end of the day, it will be a smashing success!
Dec 30, 2019 | Uncategorized
Celebrate! Photo by Maia Rosenfeld Photography
It’s almost a new year. Here’s hoping your 2020 is full of music, dancing, celebrations, and fun. I hope you’re planning some fun parties or some kind of celebrations. I know I have a few exciting weddings to look forward to this year. And if you just got engaged, congratulations! Take a deep breath, and then get to the planning. If you need help, you know where to find me!
Dec 23, 2019 | About me
Winter musings.
It has been a terrific year of weddings and events here. Looking back on it, all I can say is that I’m very grateful.
First, I’m grateful to my amazing, awesome clients. Thank you for allowing me to share your wedding day with you. It has been my privilege to work with you, your families and friends, and everyone else who supported you on your day. You’re all the best!
I’m no less grateful to all of the talented, hard-working, and fun wedding vendors I’ve been able to work with this year. And I don’t just mean the business owner or the person they sent to the wedding. I’m also thinking of the venue maintenance people, security guards, drivers, bartenders, servers, sound engineers, kitchen workers, tent installers, and the delivery, bus, and limo drivers. I couldn’t do my job without all of these people, as well as the venue managers, rental specialists, chefs, banquet captains, officiants, church wedding coordinators, DJs, musicians, photographers, videographers, florists, decorators, bakers, hair stylists, and make-up artists. I may be the person holding it all together, but there would be nothing to hold together if it weren’t for all of you!
I’m looking forward to another great year in 2020. I have some really interesting events lined up already, and I’m sure there will be even more. If you’re thinking about hiring me, yes, I do still have some dates available. Let me know how I can help.
Dec 16, 2019 | wedding planning
Enthusiastic dancers doing their First Dance. Photo by Ryan Timm Photography.
There are a lot of wedding traditions of uncertain origin and venerability. Chief among these is the wedding couple’s First Dance. Most of the internet seems to think that this tradition is a descendant of the days when the guest of honor at a ball would open the dance floor by doing the first dance. (There are contrary opinions, as well, though.) A more important question, though, is this: If you’re getting married, should you do a First Dance with your new spouse?
While the answer to this question is always going to be a personal one, here are a few things to consider:
First, do you and your future spouse like to dance? Have you been dancing together already? If your answer to both of these questions is a resounding, “No!” then I’m here to remind you that wedding traditions are always optional, and you’ll still be legally married if you don’t do a First Dance. And your family’s Keeper of the Traditions will get over it.
But let’s say you do like to dance together. Here’s a second question for you: Are you both comfortable dancing with each other in front of 50-200 of your closest friends and relatives for 2 or 3 minutes? If yes, then maybe you’d love to include this tradition in your wedding reception. If not, there are other options. One thing I’ve seen pretty frequently at weddings where the couple aren’t big dancers is the DJ inviting the wedding party onto the dance floor after about a minute of the First Dance. That’s one way to keep the tradition, but also keep it from being uncomfortable.
Sometimes one half of the couple is an enthusiastic and skilled dancer and the other half is less so. Or one person feels strongly about the tradition and the other one isn’t comfortable dancing in the spotlight. If this sounds like you, then remember that this question can be a testing ground for developing negotiation and compromise skills between the two of you. What can you do that will make both of you happy? There are lots of different ways to answer that question.
One option that can help is dance lessons. Having a few dance steps you both share can make all the difference. In one couple I worked with, the bride was a dance teacher and a very talented dancer. The groom was not a professional dancer. The bride created a dance routine for their first dance that required no special skills from the groom but also allowed her to dance with him in a way that suited her personal style. It was a really beautiful way to satisfy both of them.
And, of course, if dancing is part of your life as individuals and as a couple, you don’t need my permission to have a fabulous first dance. I know you know what to do! Happy dancing, everyone.
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