Another Word About Wedding Etiquette

Etiquette does not prescribe how much money you should spend on anything.  Photo by Peter Coombs.

Etiquette does not prescribe how much you should spend. Photo by Peter Coombs.

I have another pithy little quote for you from Miss Manners on {Painfully Proper} Weddings by Judith Martin.  She is here talking about the misplaced notion that etiquette requires spending huge sums of money on any wedding.

Etiquette was portrayed as the villain–the handmaiden of commercialism, whose insidious ceremonial and emotional arguments always favored the spending of extravagant sums of money.  It is made to seem rude to ask prices for commercial services and incorrect to limit wedding expenditures…  Miss Manners is outraged.  Etiquette does not practice extortion.

I’ve touched on this before, so this is just a reminder:  If any wedding vendor tries to induce you to spend more by citing the requirements of etiquette, you can tell them that Miss Manners says that “Etiquette does not practice extortion.”  And then maybe find a better vendor.

More Recent Wedding Photos

I’m so lucky to get these wonderful photos of the weddings I work on.  I have the professional photos by Ann and Kam Photography and Cinema for your viewing pleasure.  Click on the photo below to see all of them.

Click here to see photos from the State Fair Wedding.  Photo by Ann Oleinik.

Click here to see photos from the State Fair Wedding. Photo by Ann Oleinik.

More?

Save The Date: Wedding Garage Sale

Do you have leftover wedding supplies that someone else can use?  I have the solution!

Do you have leftover wedding supplies that someone else can use? I have the solution! Photo by hannahelaine photography (hannahelaine.com).

I have only the sketchiest details so far, but I know about another really interesting event that I think you’re going to want to put on your calendar, whether you are currently planning a wedding, are recently married, or are, yourself, a wedding vendor.

The Chicago Green Wedding Alliance is sponsoring a giant garage sale for wedding items.  If you have items that might be useful for someone planning a wedding, you can donate them to the CGWA for the sale on April 21.  Not only will a portion of the proceeds be donated to charity, but it’s a highly sustainable, green way to re-use wedding items.

I’ll have more details soon and will post them as they become available.  But mark your calendar now.

Wedding Etiquette: Cash Bar

Is a champagne toast part of your reception planning?  Photo courtesy of Artisan Events.

Is a champagne toast part of your reception planning? Photo courtesy of Artisan Events.

I recently had the pleasure of reading Miss Manners on {Painfully Proper} Weddings by the ever-entertaining Judith Martin.  I imagine I will have a few comments to make about this book.  Miss Manners and I don’t see eye to eye on everything but I have the greatest respect for her opinions and expertise.

Miss Manners makes a passing reference to the cash bar in her book.  She says, “It is true that the hosts of the wedding reception are responsible for providing refreshment for their guests, a point not to be taken for granted in the day of that abomination called the ‘cash bar.'”

This is an area where I wholeheartedly agree with Miss Manners.  If you want to throw a certain kind of party after your wedding but if you also can’t afford that party, it is considered impolite to ask your invited guests to pay any part of the cost.  Why?  Because the idea of hospitality, at its very core, implies that you give your guests as a gift whatever food, drink, and entertainment are provided.

So, what do you do if funds are short and standards are high?  Your options are limited.  You are permitted to ask your close family to help fund your wedding, if they are both willing and able.  But, of course, “He who pays the piper calls the tune.”  If you get help paying, you may have to give up control over some aspects of your wedding reception.  Other than that, your other option is to scale back and throw a party within your means.  I know that no one wants to hear that advice.  But it’s good practice for married life!

Vendors I Know: Bittersweet Bakery

Bittersweet Bakery, as they appear on their website.

Bittersweet Bakery, as they appear on their website.

I don’t think I’ve profiled a bakery yet here.  Several of my recent clients have hired Bittersweet Bakery at 1114 W. Belmont in Chicago to make their wedding cakes.  Because most couples handle tasting and ordering their wedding cakes by themselves, I don’t usually have a lot of contact with the bakeries.  I do know that Bittersweet delivers what they promised when they promised.

Most of all, though, their cakes are delicious.  I’m a bit of a cake snob.  I like cakes with flavor and texture and personality–not just as a vehicle for frosting.  Bittersweet always comes through with these attributes.  Their frosting doesn’t come up short, either!

There are lots of good bakeries in Chicago to cater to lots of different tastes.  Here’s one that might suit you.

More Gorgeous Photos!

Kristi Sanford of Light On Life Images was kind enough to share with me these photos from a wedding back in September.  Click on the photo below to go to the gallery and see all the photos.

A beautiful wedding with a backyard reception.  Photos by Light on Life Images.

A beautiful wedding with a backyard reception. Photos by Light on Life Images.

DIY Weddings: Decor

If you have the time and skill, you can go all-out and make a chandelier, as this bride did.

If you have the time and skill, you can go all-out and make a chandelier, as this bride did.

I’m still thinking about DIY weddings, and about when DIY is a good idea and when it is not.  One of the most successful kinds of do-it-yourself wedding planning is in the area of decor.

There are some kinds of decor that are better left to professionals.  Things like flowers (see my thoughts on that here) and lighting fall in that category.  If you want to hang large objects from a ceiling, I would recommend hiring someone for that, too.

But there are lots and lots of things that are suitable for DIY:  table runners, table numbers, card box, place cards, photo props, menus, programs, favors.  Especially if you are planning unique decor, it may be easier and cheaper to make it yourself, rather than hunting down the perfect item at craft shops, second-hand stores, and the internet.

Of course, it takes extra time–sometimes a lot of extra time–and a little skill to do it all yourself.  As always, plan carefully and leave yourself enough time.  You don’t want to end up like a friend of mine who was frantically hand-writing place cards late on the night before her wedding.  Plan to have it all done early and get help if you need it.

Committed 2013!

Here's a taste of how it looked last year.  Mignonette will again be bringing vintage couture.

Here's a taste of how it looked last year. Mignonette will again be bringing vintage couture.

If you’re looking for some fantastic wedding vendors, be sure to visit Committed 2013.  (Okay–full disclosure–I will not be there this year, but I still think it’s fabulous.)  The members of the Chicago Green Wedding Alliance will be there, so you can expect a lot of eco-friendliness in one room.  They are also creative, thoughtful, hard-working people.  I’ve worked with some of them and would have no hesitation in recommending them.  Here are some highlights:

  • The big day will be Sunday, February 24.
  • The location is Greenhouse Loft, 2545 W. Diversey
  • There will be 28 participating vendors, including caterers, beverage purveyors, sweets (sampling their wares, of course), photographers, DJs, invitations, florists, and many others.
  • Mignonette will present a fashion show for brides and grooms.
  • Collective Resource will compost all the food waste.

Be sure to check out the Committed website for all the details and to buy your tickets ($15 for one person and $20 for two).

Decorating Cars: Is It Back?

When I was a kid, you always knew someone had gotten married around town by the sound of the tin cans being dragged down the street behind the car.  There were always “Just Married” signs on the car and sometimes streamers, balloons, soap writing on the windows, and every other form of decoration.

And then all that seemed to stop.  For a couple of decades, that sort of thing was out of fashion.  Even the first few years that I was planning weddings, I never saw a decorated car.  But in the past three or four years, that seems to be changing.

Friends decorated the car for these newlyweds

Friends decorated the car for these newlyweds. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.

First, there was this one.  The friends of the bride and groom (with the knowledge of the bridal pair) attached streamers and cans, and filled the interior with balloons.

Surprise!  The interior was filled with balloons.

Surprise! The interior was filled with balloons. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.

The bride and groom didn’t know about the balloons….

This past summer, my mother-in-law got re-married and someone put a “Just married” sign on their car after the wedding, too.

And two other weddings I coordinated this past fall had a decorated car.  The first one had some decorous soap writing on the windows.  But the second….

The sign says, "Long live the newlyweds."

The sign says, "Long live the newlyweds."

Signs, balloons, streamers, paper flowers: the style was different but the idea was the same.  I don’t think these are flukes.  Look for more decorated cars after weddings.  I do love to hear that sound of tin cans coming down the street!

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