Throwing Things at the Guests

This garter was not seen by the guests at the wedding at all. Photo by hannahelaine photography (hannahelaine.com).

I’ve noticed a trend at weddings lately, and it’s something that is not done, rather than any other kind of innovation.  More and more of the couples I have worked with have done without the traditions of the bouquet toss and the garter toss.  I’m not sure if this is just my clients, or if the phenomenon is more widespread.

There could be several reasons for this trend:

It could just be a fluke.  That’s what I thought at first when it was only two or three couples in a row.

It could be that couples who want to work with me are already thinking about doing things non-traditionally.  Maybe the bouquet toss is still popular outside of my little niche.

It may be that as wedding planning becomes more elastic, it becomes easier to dispense with things that have no resonance for individuals.  Or as people marry later, they want more sophistication in their celebrations.

The bouquet toss becomes less attractive when more of the bride’s female friends are already married.  I’ve seen DJs cajoling women onto the floor to catch the bouquet when there were very few single women present.

The garter ritual has gotten a bad reputation, not only because it can be done in a way that may be offensive to some sensibilities, but because its unsavory history is beginning to be known.  (Apparently, in the Middle Ages, it was customary for the local men to rip clothing off a newly married bride to “loosen her up.”  Brides began carrying extra garters to throw to them in hopes of escaping.)

None of this is to say that these traditions can’t be done any more.  I’m sure there are many weddings every year where the bride tosses the bouquet and where the garter is tossed to all the single men present.  But I have noticed that many people are rethinking these traditions and deciding for themselves whether or not they want them at their wedding.