First Dance: Should You Do One?

Enthusiastic dancers doing their First Dance. Photo by Ryan Timm Photography.

There are a lot of wedding traditions of uncertain origin and venerability.  Chief among these is the wedding couple’s First Dance.  Most of the internet seems to think that this tradition is a descendant of the days when the guest of honor at a ball would open the dance floor by doing the first dance.  (There are contrary opinions, as well, though.)  A more important question, though, is this:  If you’re getting married, should you do a First Dance with your new spouse?

While the answer to this question is always going to be a personal one, here are a few things to consider:

First, do you and your future spouse like to dance?  Have you been dancing together already?  If your answer to both of these questions is a resounding, “No!” then I’m here to remind you that wedding traditions are always optional, and you’ll still be legally married if you don’t do a First Dance.  And your family’s Keeper of the Traditions will get over it.

But let’s say you do like to dance together.  Here’s a second question for you:  Are you both comfortable dancing with each other in front of 50-200 of your closest friends and relatives for 2 or 3 minutes?  If yes, then maybe you’d love to include this tradition in your wedding reception.  If not, there are other options.  One thing I’ve seen pretty frequently at weddings where the couple aren’t big dancers is the DJ inviting the wedding party onto the dance floor after about a minute of the First Dance.  That’s one way to keep the tradition, but also keep it from being uncomfortable.

Sometimes one half of the couple is an enthusiastic and skilled dancer and the other half is less so.  Or one person feels strongly about the tradition and the other one isn’t comfortable dancing in the spotlight.  If this sounds like you, then remember that this question can be a testing ground for developing negotiation and compromise skills between the two of you.  What can you do that will make both of you happy?  There are lots of different ways to answer that question.

One option that can help is dance lessons.  Having a few dance steps you both share can make all the difference.  In one couple I worked with, the bride was a dance teacher and a very talented dancer.  The groom was not a professional dancer.  The bride created a dance routine for their first dance that required no special skills from the groom but also allowed her to dance with him in a way that suited her personal style.  It was a really beautiful way to satisfy both of them.

And, of course, if dancing is part of your life as individuals and as a couple, you don’t need my permission to have a fabulous first dance.  I know you know what to do!  Happy dancing, everyone.