Apr 28, 2014 | wedding planning
3-year-olds are cute, but they are rarely dignified. Photo by Happy Buddy PhotoArt.
What could be cuter than a 3-year-old girl dressed up and carrying a basket of flowers before the bride? What is more adorable than a 4-year-old boy in a short-pants suit carrying the wedding rings on a lacy cushion? Nothing! But is this really what you want at your wedding?
I have seen children in weddings as young as about 2 and as old as teenagers. I won’t tell you not to invite your youngest relations to be in your wedding party, but I would like to sound a note of caution.
Small children are cute, adorable, and entirely unpredictable, especially under the age of about 5. I remember a pair of 3-year-old flower girls who ran wildly down the aisle when they were supposed to proceed with solemnity. I also recall a very young ring bearer who had been so over-rehearsed and bribed to be good that he broke down in tears before he had to walk down the aisle. And I have seen a lot of small children in weddings who had to walk with a parent.
If you don’t mind the utter unpredictability of very small children, and if you don’t mind being upstaged by their cuteness and their antics, you’ll probably enjoy having them participate in your wedding. If, on the other hand, you want everything to be perfect and predictable at your wedding, you might want to reconsider inviting the youngest children to participate.
Apr 14, 2014 | wedding planning
Wedding planning is about more things than will fit in your 3-ring binder. Courtesy of sprungphoto.com.
I ran across this really interesting article by Gemma Allen on the Today’s Chicago Woman’s website from last June. Here’s the concluding paragraph that, I think, about sums it up:
“If you think about it, wedding planning itself can be good practice for a good marriage, since so many realities of life are involved: relatives, friends, control, financial consequences and, of course, each of your own unique psyches. In all of that controlled chaos, if you can also make time to begin the emotional planning for the rest of your lives together, you are much more likely to live happily and blissfully.”
I noticed this reality when I was planning my own wedding a decade ago. In the midst of all the details, I realized that this other person I was working with on this major event was going to be there for all the other decisions we would have to make as our lives went forward together.
And planning a wedding is excellent practice in decision-making and communication under stress. It can be a difficult project to tackle even under the best circumstances, and downright daunting when there are extra obstacles, such as difficult family situations or a lack of funds. And how you and your partner handle the inevitable difficulties and setbacks says a lot about your relationship.
I think when I was getting married, myself, I summed it up this way in my own mind, “Getting married is good practice for being married.” So, as you are planning your wedding, keep in mind that you are also planning your marriage.
Apr 7, 2014 | vendors, wedding planning
There are a number of good general music companies to look into if you want a band for an event. One I would not hesitate to recommend is Stitely Entertainment. They are the booking agent for a number of different bands, as well as smaller ensembles and DJs.
Jeff Stitely is a terrific drummer who also knows talent. Being a fine musician himself, I think he attracts others of the same quality. I am also impressed with the way he runs his business. Other people agree: If you look at his website, you’ll see that he has won just about every award in the wedding business.
There are a lot of excellent musicians in the Chicago area, so you have a lot of good choices. But if you don’t want to sift through all the options, you can start at Stitley Entertainment.
Mar 31, 2014 | wedding planning
Do you need a rehearsal to get to this point? Photo by Magical Moments Photography.
This is always a question that has to be answered when planning a wedding: Will there be a wedding rehearsal? There are arguments on both sides.
Tradition seems to lean toward the necessity of a wedding rehearsal. After all, why would you have a rehearsal dinner if there were no rehearsal, right? As I am a non-traditionalist, on the other hand, I will only say that there are times when a rehearsal makes sense. For example, if you are having a church ceremony, chances are that your officiant will require it. A rehearsal for a complicated ceremony (such as a full Catholic mass) makes the ceremony go much more smoothly.
Similarly, if you have a large wedding party, it is probably a good idea to rehearse at least the processional and the recessional, if not the whole ceremony. A rehearsal, even a brief one, will ensure that every member of the wedding understands her or his duties.
But there are times a rehearsal might not be preferred. If you are planning a small and/or informal wedding, a rehearsal may be unnecessary. I also think that a rehearsal can sometimes take away from something special at the wedding itself. Over-rehearsed ritual can become an empty form.
As I said, there are good arguments on both sides of this question. Will you have a wedding rehearsal? That’s up to you.
Mar 24, 2014 | wedding planning
At this casual wedding, the style carried through everything. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.
When I meet with a couple to help them plan or coordinate their wedding, one of the questions I always ask is, “What style will your wedding be?” I have found that not everyone has an easy answer to this question. Here is why it is important to me:
When I ask about style, what I want to know is, “How do you make decisions about what your wedding and reception will be like?” Also, “Do you have a vision for how your wedding will look or feel or sound?”
Whether your answer to the question of style is, “Formal, elegant, high-class” or, “Casual, laid-back, informal,” the answer gives me a lot of information about your goals and your decision-making process. It allows me to make suggestions that are appropriate for your particular wedding.
Sometimes “style” means “visual style,” as in what sorts of colors and accessories you think are necessary. But “style” can also mean the general feel of the party or it can mean what you think is important to the day. The answer to the question could be, “Our wedding will be a picnic in the woods,” or it could be, “It’s all about fun and games.” To me, the important thing is not the specific answer but, rather, that you have a vision that you are pursuing.
Mar 17, 2014 | Eco-Friendly Events, wedding planning
I hate to bring up a difficult, uncomfortable subject when we’re talking about weddings, but I do think it is better to know all sides of an issue, especially if you are interested in eco-friendly events. I’m talking about the environmental and political problems associated with the commercial jewelry trade.
The issues around jewelry can be tricky. Photo by Ann Oleinik.
Let me be very clear about one thing: I just want to make sure that you have enough information to make an informed choice. I won’t pass judgment on your choice if you are happy with commercial jewelry.
There are environmental issues with gold, as well as political ones. Diamonds and other precious stones, as far as I can tell, have fewer environmental problems, although there are political problems.
Gold mining and refining, according to one informed source, release large amounts of toxins into the environment, including cyanide, arsenic, and mercury. Gold also requires huge amounts of water and electricity to produce, according to the same source. Many who are concerned about the problems associated with gold mining and refining call it “dirty gold” because of its negative environmental impacts.
In addition, gold mining is believed to fuel conflict in places like the Congo and Colombia. While not all of these conflicts make it into the news daily, they are ongoing sources of human rights abuses, death, and destruction.
The diamond trade also fuels conflicts in Africa according to the UN and Amnesty International. While there has been some progress in restricting the trade of illegitimate diamonds that fund wars and abuse, it is still very difficult to ensure that a diamond comes from a conflict-free zone.
Fortunately, more and more jewelers are taking environmental and human rights considerations seriously. It is becoming easier than in the past to find jewelers that carry no-conflict diamonds and clean gold.
If you want gold jewelry, look for a jeweler that uses recycled or reclaimed gold. If they supervise the recycling process themselves, that is even better. As far as I am aware, there is no certification process for recycled gold, so if this is a concern of yours, ask as many questions of the jeweler as necessary to assure yourself that their gold really is recycled.
Another choice for gold or diamond jewelry without additional harm to the environment is to find vintage jewelry. Maybe there is a piece in your family (or your soon-to-be in-laws’ family). If there isn’t anything in your family, antique and vintage stores often have jewelry sections, and you can find some very nice pieces there.
Here's a pair of wooden rings used for a wedding last year. Photo courtesy of christytylerphotography.com.
There are also some jewelry makers who work in wood and make beautiful rings. In Chicago, you can try Simply Wood Rings. There are many options available, all made from reclaimed wood.
There is probably no perfect answer to these troubling issues. The more people are aware of them, though, the closer we can come to solving some of these perplexing problems.
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