What Does the Ring-Bearer Carry?

Keep those precious rings safe!

Keep those precious rings safe!

The three-year-old nephew or seven-year-old cousin is going to be the ring bearer.  He will be almost painfully cute in his suit, bow tie, and boutonniere.  He’ll carry a lacy, satin pillow.  But what will be on that pillow?

Many people assume that the actual, real wedding rings are on that ring-bearer’s pillow, tied to it with the satin ribbons provided for the purpose.  My unwavering advice is never, ever to let a young child carry the real wedding rings.  It’s a lovely tradition to have a small child ceremonially bring the rings to the couple.  In reality, it is a much better idea to have the rings safely in the pocket of a responsible adult, such as the best man or the officiant.

If you are concerned about appearances, you can put a couple of cheap rings on the pillow instead, but in my experience no one is paying attention to details like that.  They are much more interested in seeing the radiant bride(s) or the happy groom(s).

Wedding Cautionary Tale

Do you have a bad weather plan?  Photo by Allison Williams Photography.

Do you have a bad weather plan? Photo by Allison Williams Photography.

This is a story I heard from a friend who lives nowhere near Chicago.  It’s about a wedding that took place on a November day in a northern climate, and it is one more reason to consider hiring a professional planner or coordinator if you are planning your wedding.

As my friend tells the story, the bride and groom chartered a bus to bring all their guests to their home in a rural area for the wedding.  While the wedding party prepared in the house, the guests were left outdoors in the scenic and windy location where the ceremony was to take place.  After the guests sat freezing in their dress clothes for about an hour, the ceremony finally took place.

Then there was a cocktail hour, also outdoors.  Finally, the guests were permitted into the heated tent for dinner.  By this time, everyone was cold and grumpy.  And many of those who would have liked to leave early couldn’t go because the bus wasn’t scheduled to return until after dinner.

If this couple had hired me as their planner, I would have recommended strongly that they have a plan for bad weather.  This was November, after all.  They could have had the ceremony in the tent, cocktail hour in the house, and dinner in the tent.  Or they could have rented a second heated tent, one for ceremony and one for cocktails and reception.  Whatever their choice, their guests’ comfort should have been higher on their priority list.

Choosing a Wedding Cake

I have a confession to make:  Until the first time I was involved in acquiring a wedding cake, I had no idea what the process involved.  Maybe you’re in the same situation.  How do you go about getting a traditional cake for your wedding?

Here's one style of wedding cake.

Here's one style of wedding cake.

There are two parts to wedding cake:  the cake itself and the decoration.  It’s important to give some thought to both parts.

When you visit a bakery for a tasting, they will give you some options to taste.  You’ll have choices of cake, of fillings, and of frostings.  Chocolate or vanilla or carrot?  Whipped cream or custard or fruit?  Fondant or buttercream?  It’s a tough job, but you’ll have to taste all of them and decide what you like.

Your choice of frosting also affects what the cake looks like.  Fondant gives a cake a rounder edge, while buttercream frosting allows for sharp corners.   Also, some types of decoration work better with one or the other type of frosting.  There is one more consideration:  My experience is that very few people actually eat fondant.  If you get it, you may be paying extra for something that will only be thrown out.

A very different kind of cake.   Photo by Johnny Knight.

A very different kind of cake. Photo by Johnny Knight.

The decorative aspects of a wedding cake can be even more complicated.  You’ll need to decide on the shape (round, square, or something else), the number of tiers, the color, the texture, and the decoration.

Be prepared with some ideas, but also keep your mind open to suggestions from the bakery’s gallery of cakes.  Or maybe they have made the perfect cake before and you can ask them to replicate it for you.  Whatever you decide, remember that bakeries can offer you their expertise in what will work well on your cake, and on what will not work.

Cake shopping can be a lot of fun.  It is even more fun if you know what to expect and are prepared for it.

DIY Decor: How Much is Enough?

How much is too much?  Photo by hannahelaine photography (hannahelaine.com).

How much is too much? Photo by hannahelaine photography (hannahelaine.com).

When you are doing the decor yourself for your event or wedding, how much stuff do you need?  Of course, it all depends on your venue, but for your typical wedding-type venue, here are some thoughts.

Table Decor

A centerpiece on your banquet tables is always nice.  There is nothing wrong with adding a few votive candles or tea lights, but three or four per table is usually enough.  Naturally, you want linens on the tables, although there is usually no need for three layers of them; one or two will suffice.  Maybe you are also having favors put out at every place.  They are also part of the decor.  Once you have this many things on the table, you just have room for a table number, bread basket, butter, salt & pepper, and eight or nine full place settings.  If you’re serving family style, remember to leave room on the table for the serving platters.

Room Decor

If your venue is already well-appointed, you may need nothing at all to decorate the room.  It can be a good idea to have a well-made flower arrangement near the entrance, on the bar, and/or on the escort card table.  It depends on how much sprucing up you think the area needs.  Candles on the bar can be tricky as you don’t want them to interfere with bar service.   If you have highboy tables anywhere in your ground plan, a very nice touch is to have your florist create small, simple arrangements for them.  Or put candles on the highboys.  They shouldn’t need any more than that.

Ceremony Decor

It’s easy to go overboard with ceremony decor:  Flowers on the ends of the rows of seats, an aisle runner, candles in the aisle, a flower arch or flowers on the chuppah, and large floral arrangements are all possibilities (and that doesn’t begin to exhaust the list).  I recommend against candles in the aisle as they can be a safety hazard.  I’m also not a big fan of aisle runners as they generally become trash the moment the ceremony is over.  I think a little restraint is a good idea in this area, as well.

Candy Buffets

If you are set on having a candy buffet, be sure to think small.  For one thing, if you’ve fed your guests well and given them dessert, only the children will return to the candy buffet more than once.  You will almost definitely have a lot of leftovers.  Also, be sure to measure both the table and the dishes and other decor that you plan to put on the buffet to make sure it will all fit.  A few well-chosen items displayed beautifully will be more effective than an enormous spread that is visually overwhelming.

Summary

My recommendation for DIY decor is to remember the mantra, “Less is More.”  You don’t need to overwhelm your guests with your decor ideas.  Keep it in the background because the party is really about you, not about the decoration.

Catering Staff

Servers make all the difference to your guests.  Photo by Happy Buddy PhotoArt.

Servers make all the difference to your guests. Photo by Happy Buddy PhotoArt.

This is not the first thing you think about when you are planning a wedding or other large event where you are hiring a caterer, but it is surprisingly important in how well your event runs:  How much staff has your caterer hired?

Caterers tend to fall into two categories with regard to staffing issues.  On one side, you have caterers who reduce the number of staff in order to give you a bid with a lower price.  On the other side, you have those who won’t compromise their level of customer service and charge accordingly.

Why does this matter to you and how can you tell the difference?

The service staff at your party or event are the people who have the most direct contact with your guests.  Really, the quality of the service staff determines the quality of the experience for your guests.  The unfortunate things that guests remember are that no one offered them wine or they got the wrong entree or they could never find a server to refill their glass or bring a fork when they needed one. Inadequate numbers of servers can contribute to all of these types of incidents that leave a bad taste in the mouth.

For restaurant service, it’s pretty standard to have one server for every 40 guests.  For exceptional service, such as at a wedding, a higher number of servers is needed.  The best wedding caterers hire about one server for every 10 guests.  This ensures the best service.  When you get a quote from a catering company, divide the total number of guests by the number of servers and see what you get.   If it’s around 10, the price will certainly be higher than if it’s 40.  The service is also likely to be much better.

It’s a trade-off:  If you pay less for service, you are paying for a less-than-exceptional experience for your guests.  I think it’s worthwhile to pay more to ensure that your guests are enjoying themselves.  There are places to cut corners at a wedding or a party, but this isn’t one of them.

New Photos!

I had so much fun doing full planning on this wedding last August at the Cheney Mansion in Oak Park.  Click on the photo below to go to the full gallery and get a taste of this unique small wedding.

Here's one small taste of this wedding.  Click here to see all thephotos.

Here's one small taste of this wedding. Click here to see all the photos.

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