Oct 1, 2018 | Non-Traditional Weddings
Sometimes you have to do something a little different at your wedding. Photo by Danielle Heinson.
Last week I wrote about the importance of having the wedding you want and how it can keep you from putting unreasonable pressure on yourself. But there’s another side to the question: How can you convince your families that your choices are right for you? Sometimes when you break with tradition, it’s hard to explain it to your family. And–let’s be real–sometimes it’s not worth it to break tradition if it’s going to make your family unhappy. Only you can decide what’s more important.
If you do decide to have a wedding that your family may not approve of easily, you’ll probably have to explain why you are doing what you are doing. In case you’re in this situation, I’d like to offer a few ideas for ways to present your thoughts in a persuasive manner.
If you’re inviting your family to your wedding, it’s probably because you love them. So let them know that even if you are doing things differently, you still love them and still value their opinions–even if you plan to ignore them entirely. But if you’re getting married, it’s because you are an adult and–as an adult–you get to make your own choices about your life, including your wedding.
You can also point out that your wedding is about you and the person you are marrying. Yes, family is very important, but the central focus of the occasion just happens to be you. You and your future spouse have to agree on what kind of wedding you want and how to accomplish that. I think that this important point is often overlooked: Planning your wedding with your future spouse is the first big test of your marriage. Wedding planning is, in some ways, a trial run for how you will make all the big decisions of your life together. You’re creating a new family unit, and sometimes that means pulling away from your families of origin just enough to make a new life for yourselves.
There is, of course, always the issue of money. If one family or both is paying for the wedding and reception, that changes the dynamics. The person writing the checks always has the power to influence the wedding. So, that is something to consider when you begin your planning. If you don’t think your families will approve, do you want to give them a monetary veto? If you don’t have a choice, you may have to give up some autonomy.
Your wedding is also a reflection of who you are as a couple. Chances are, your families will always have some input into it because you aren’t completely separate from your family. But when you are going to do something they never thought of, be prepared to stand your ground. I hope you’ll have some good arguments now.
Oct 10, 2016 | Non-Traditional Weddings
Horse racing, anyone?
A friend of mine told me recently about a wedding that her daughter had attended: It was at the race track. She said it was a nice, relaxed day. They had the ceremony in one of the party rooms available for rent. After that, there was a very nice reception, and the guests could also watch the races.
Looking at the website of the race track nearest to me, I see that they have done quite a few weddings. It seems to be an all-inclusive package: They provide the rooms, the catering, and a great many extras, including tables, chairs, linens, and parking. And racing provides the entertainment. (Who knew you could place bets at a wedding?)
Best of all, it looks like a very affordable option that is also easy to plan. Sometimes, you can do something a little different and not have it break the bank.
Sep 19, 2016 | Non-Traditional Weddings
We had so much fun a few weeks ago working with a couple whose wedding was unlike any I’ve ever seen. The reception was more like a big carnival for the kids. The adults had a great time, too! Here are a few photos of the day.
Sep 12, 2016 | Non-Traditional Weddings, wedding planning
Lawn games are definitely non-traditional. Photo by Allison Williams Photography.
Non-traditional weddings are getting more press these days, as someone seems to think it’s a trend. But what does “non-traditional” really mean?
I’ve been reading blog posts about non-traditional weddings, and ideas range from the bride wearing flats instead of heels to mixing genders in the wedding party. I notice that a lot of the suggestions are purely decorative: have smaller cake; make your own decor; wear a color that isn’t white; have the men wear suits; carry a bouquet that isn’t flowers; go bareheaded. There are also online lists of non-traditional wedding themes, which mostly seem to relate to various pop culture phenomena. Those are good starts, if you’re planning to go the non-traditional route. But there are lots of other options open to you. Here are some ideas I’ve seen implemented at weddings that are definitely out of the box:
- The guests gathered in a building in the park with a gorgeous view of the lake and the skyline. There were snacks to eat, and the bar was open. After half an hour of cocktail party, when everyone had arrived, the bride, the groom, and a judge stood in the middle of the room and got everyone’s attention for a brief wedding ceremony. Four minutes later, the buffet (from the couple’s favorite restaurant) opened, and everyone ate, talked, and hugged the bride and groom.
- The guests sat in chairs on a lawn in the forest preserve facing the woods. The bride and groom came out of the woods to face their guests, where they were married. Then, everyone adjourned to the nearby picnic shelter, which had been decorated by the bride’s family. A taco truck and a gelato truck provided dinner, and there were games on the patio.
- The bride and groom rented a vacation house on a lake for the weekend, where all their close family stayed. Chairs, picnic tables, and picnic blankets were set up facing the lake for the guests. The bride and groom greeted the guests as they arrived. Each person in the processional was introduced by the officiant with a few words. After the ceremony, the photographer took a group picture of everyone there, with the lake as the backdrop. For a couple of hours after the ceremony, there were lawn games, boat rides, a face painter, and a Bozo Buckets tournament. Then the barbecue truck showed up and grilled a big buffet dinner, with funnel cakes for dessert. The kids decorated cookies in the house. At sunset, everyone went home, having enjoyed a beautiful day on the lake.
Of course, if you do decide to break the rules (such as they are), expect a certain amount of pushback from family and friends. Here’s an article written by a bride about how she is coping with some of that. The short version is this: It’s your wedding, so do what suits you. The nicest weddings I’ve ever been to have been the ones that reflect the true personalities of the couple getting married. If you’ve never been the normal one, then why should your wedding be normal? It will be much nicer if you are true to yourselves.
Jun 20, 2016 | Non-Traditional Weddings, Weddings
Wedding biking! Photo by Johnny Knight.
If you’re a cyclist (as I am), you might be interested in incorporating bicycles in your wedding plans. To keep things simple, you could just have your bikes as props in some photos. Or, you can use your bike as some or all of your wedding transportation.
Here’s a blog post from Seattle written by someone who organized a ride for his bride, himself, and their guests as part of the wedding day festivities. The bride is wearing a dress of an appropriate length for cycling, some of the bikes are decorated, and everyone is smiling. Looks like a lot of fun!
I’m sure there are plenty of ways to bring your enjoyment of cycling into your wedding day. Of course, if you need a planner who also cycles, you know who to call!
Nov 2, 2015 | Non-Traditional Weddings, wedding planning
Anyone want to go bowling?
There aren’t as many committed bowlers out there as there used to be, but if you and your future spouse happen to be bowlers, why not get married at the lanes?
Plenty of bowling alleys have party rooms. The size of the room will limit the number of guests, of course, but that can work to your advantage. Having 150 of your nearest and dearest at your bowling party wedding could be a bit much, and keeping your wedding to a manageable size will also keep your costs under control.
I imagine a bowling alley wedding might go something like this: Ceremony in the party room first, then everyone goes to bowl a couple of games while cocktails and appetizers are served. After that, a buffet opens in the party room and everyone can eat. And then bowl some more.
I’m very far from the first person to think of this idea. If you do a search for “bowling alley wedding,” you’ll see that there are a lot of photos of people getting married in bowling alleys. The nice thing is that in such a venue, you can go upscale or you can have a more casual wedding.
However you do it, one thing is for sure: It will be a memorable wedding.
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