Becoming The Grown-Up (Part One)

Beaming bride and her proud papa. Photo by Magical Moments Photography.

A wedding is a time of many transitions. One of them that you might not expect is the transition from being perceived as a youngster to being perceived as one of the grown-ups. You may find this change most perceptible from your own parents. For all you may have lived on your own and paid your way for years, your parents–bless their hearts–still think of you as their little girl or boy. But when you get married, you join the ranks of the adults.

This circumstance can sometimes make wedding planning challenging, but that also means that planning your wedding is a good time to practice your adult skills.

This post will talk about dealing with your parents.  Future posts will be about your fiance and your wedding party.

If your parents are paying for any part of your wedding, sit down and talk to them before you begin planning. Remember that, while you may never be your parents’ equal, you are dealing with them now as one adult to another. This may take some practice, so don’t be surprised if you can’t change your behavior all at once. Talk to them about who gets to make the decisions about the wedding. If they insist that they get to make the decisions because they are paying, think about what that means for you. It might be necessary for you to decline the offer of payment if it is important to make plans that are different from theirs. It is more likely, though, that you can explain to them what you would like to do and ask them to help you to have the wedding you want. Some parents will be satisfied as long as certain things go their way. Others will want to take charge of a certain element. One way to make everyone happy is to give your parent or parents complete control over something you don’t care about much but that will make them happy. Be reasonable, and they will probably make an effort to do the same. If your ideas are very different from theirs, remind them gently but firmly that this wedding is for you and your fiancé. You want to honor them, as well, of course, but the wedding is for you. Demonstrate to them that you are an adult and capable of making good decisions by your behavior toward them so that they can trust your choices, even if they disagree.

There are a lot of things to think about as you get married, but none is more important than the people you care about.   Your parents are important people and this is a good time to strengthen your relationship with them.