Oct 8, 2018 | Day-of Coordinating
It all looks so effortless, doesn’t it? I enjoy creating that illusion! (Photo by Agnes Malorny Photography.)
There is a lot of misconception in the world about what wedding planners and coordinators do. I think part of the reason people just don’t know what I do is that I try very hard to stay under the radar. If I can solve a problem without anyone knowing about it, I am thrilled. And sometimes I can make things just a little bit better, so I do that invisibly, too. But that means that few people understand the value of hiring me. So, in the interests of tooting my own horn for a few minutes, here are a few things I have done (invisibly, of course!) at weddings just this year so far.
I located a lighter to be used in the wedding ceremony when the couple had not arranged for one.
I worked with the musician on how the music would work for the wedding processional, since the couple had not communicated their wishes to either of us.
After the caterers had set up the reception hall, I counted all the place settings and found the table with an error–and got it fixed before guests had to discover it.
Later, I got a place setting added to a table for an unexpected guest. I even made it happen before the guests arrived at their tables.
Those two things were possible because I had spent a good bit of time before the wedding re-ordering the table lists so that they would be useful for those purposes.
I located the photographers before toasts started, as they thought they had time to take a break right then.
I asked the caterer to reduce the noise they were making during the very quiet song for the couple’s first dance.
At the end of the night, I went around and took down all the directional signs that had been put up for the arriving guests.
I alerted the bus and limo companies to the presence of a street fair near the ceremony venue and gave them directions on where they could wait for their passengers.
I got the temperature of the reception room adjusted when it became clear that the guests were very uncomfortable.
I gave a DJ all of the information he needed about the reception that somehow had not filtered to him from the company hired by the couple.
I packed up desserts for the bride and groom at the end of the reception and gave them to the maid of honor to be taken with them when they left. It was clear to me that they had not had a chance to eat dessert, and they had been excited about it.
I found the correct table for guests when we discovered that the seating chart had an error.
For a reception in a tent in a park, I managed to get the generator started (after 3 or 4 calls to the rental company).
I also arranged for another delivery of ice when the bartenders let me know that we had nearly run out halfway through cocktail hour.
I coached a talented but very green DJ in the art of making wedding reception announcements.
The short version is this: I made sure that all elements were in place for the ceremony; did everything necessary to ensure that the guests were happy; and did what was needed to make sure the couple was happy, as well. And sometimes I wonder why I never sit down when I’m working at a wedding!
Oct 1, 2018 | Non-Traditional Weddings
Sometimes you have to do something a little different at your wedding. Photo by Danielle Heinson.
Last week I wrote about the importance of having the wedding you want and how it can keep you from putting unreasonable pressure on yourself. But there’s another side to the question: How can you convince your families that your choices are right for you? Sometimes when you break with tradition, it’s hard to explain it to your family. And–let’s be real–sometimes it’s not worth it to break tradition if it’s going to make your family unhappy. Only you can decide what’s more important.
If you do decide to have a wedding that your family may not approve of easily, you’ll probably have to explain why you are doing what you are doing. In case you’re in this situation, I’d like to offer a few ideas for ways to present your thoughts in a persuasive manner.
If you’re inviting your family to your wedding, it’s probably because you love them. So let them know that even if you are doing things differently, you still love them and still value their opinions–even if you plan to ignore them entirely. But if you’re getting married, it’s because you are an adult and–as an adult–you get to make your own choices about your life, including your wedding.
You can also point out that your wedding is about you and the person you are marrying. Yes, family is very important, but the central focus of the occasion just happens to be you. You and your future spouse have to agree on what kind of wedding you want and how to accomplish that. I think that this important point is often overlooked: Planning your wedding with your future spouse is the first big test of your marriage. Wedding planning is, in some ways, a trial run for how you will make all the big decisions of your life together. You’re creating a new family unit, and sometimes that means pulling away from your families of origin just enough to make a new life for yourselves.
There is, of course, always the issue of money. If one family or both is paying for the wedding and reception, that changes the dynamics. The person writing the checks always has the power to influence the wedding. So, that is something to consider when you begin your planning. If you don’t think your families will approve, do you want to give them a monetary veto? If you don’t have a choice, you may have to give up some autonomy.
Your wedding is also a reflection of who you are as a couple. Chances are, your families will always have some input into it because you aren’t completely separate from your family. But when you are going to do something they never thought of, be prepared to stand your ground. I hope you’ll have some good arguments now.
Sep 24, 2018 | wedding planning
Here is a bride who had exactly the wedding she wanted. Photo by Ryan Timm Photography.
A funny thing about being a wedding planner is that people I meet for the first time, when they find out what my job is, often ask me whether I have to deal with a lot of bridezillas. And they are always surprised when I inform them that pretty much all of the couples I work with are pleasant, easy to work with, and quite reasonable. Because I have to field this question so often, I have put some thought into why it is that my clients are not, on the whole, anywhere on the bridezilla scale. I’m still not sure I understand it completely, but I have some thoughts.
For one thing, I am the non-traditional wedding planner. It’s not that I don’t believe in traditions. I think traditions are lovely. But I also encourage my clients to break tradition when it suits their purposes. What does this have to do with being easy or difficult to be around? It means that my clients are likely not comparing their wedding plans to some unreasonable standard created by the wedding marketing machine. I think that that standard of perfection puts a lot of pressure on people planning weddings, which sometimes results in bad behavior–especially when there is any chance of something being less than “perfect.” When you create your own standard for how you want your wedding to be, it takes a lot of external pressure off the planning and a lot of pressure off of you.
There is another sort of thing that goes on that also creates bridezillas. This one is a little more complicated. Many people raised female have been told (implicitly and explicitly) their whole lives that what they want doesn’t count, that other people’s opinions and wants are far more important than their own. And so they often don’t learn (or don’t learn by the time they are planning their weddings) to say no to other people or to say yes to themselves.
I think what happens when someone planning a wedding can’t say no to other people is that they end up with a wedding that secretly they hate. It might be “perfect” according to whatever standard they are using, but it isn’t what they wanted because they didn’t start out by saying yes to themselves. And they never learned to say no to whatever other people are pushing. They never learned to do what I always encourage my clients to do: Have the wedding you want, even if it breaks all the rules.
Unfortunately, I’m afraid that what happens under these circumstances is you end up with a woman (it’s almost always a woman) who is miserably unhappy about the perfect wedding she is planning, and she takes out her misery on anyone in the vicinity. And that is one thing we would call bridezilla behavior.
So, here is my advice to you if you are planning your wedding (no matter your gender): Before you sign a single contract, sit down with your partner in life and talk over what kind of wedding you want to have. Bring a planner into the discussion if you think that will help to clarify your thinking. Throw out all the “shoulds” and “have tos” and “everyone does this-es.” Decide how much influence you want your families to have over the planning. And then start to make decisions about the details of your wedding. If you are happy with your wedding, chances are you will make everyone around you happy about it, too.
Sep 17, 2018 | vendors
One of my favorite Evanston weddings was at the Levy Center in South Evanston. Photo by Danielle Heinson.
If you’ve been following along, you might remember that I’ve covered a lot of different wedding and party planning resources in Evanston. I’ve talked about venues, florists, caterers, bakers, musicians, photographers, and restaurants with party rooms. What’s left? Well, everything else.
How about a wedding officiant? If you’re in the market for an Evanston officiant, you might like to know about Chosen with Bonnie Cortez, a non-denominational Life-Cycle Celebrant and Officiant. I met Bonnie years ago through a friend, and then we reconnected recently because our lines of work are so similar. She has the most interesting resume of any wedding vendor I know of, and I know that her varied experience means she brings an unusual depth to her job.
Maybe you’re looking for resources for sustainable events. We have some of those in Evanston, too. If you need composting services (for your home, your business, or your event), the people to get in touch with are at Collective Resource. They have both a minimalist event service, consisting of just drop-off and pick-up of composting buckets, and a full-service option: They can send a person with a compost tote who will make sure that everything possible will get diverted from the landfill. It’s a great service and an easy way to green your events.
Another way to make your events more sustainable–and also located right here in Evanston–is Random Acts of Flowers. This is an organization (I believe it’s a non-profit) that will take flowers left over from your event and send them to a health-care organization to brighten the day of someone who needs some cheer. Please note: If you want RAoF to be able to take your flowers, you have to get in touch with them several weeks in advance and do some paperwork. But if you have leftover vases, they will happily take them any time. Take a look at their website for more information.
Finally, you might be looking for a planner for your wedding, party, or event. As it turns out, I am not the only planner in Evanston. The other one I know of is A Fresh Event.
But don’t forget that I’m also local and available to work in Evanston–or anywhere in the Chicago area. As much as I love my home town, I’m happy to travel where you need me. But if you’re having an Evanston wedding or party, definitely get in touch because there is nothing I love more than working in my home town.
Sep 10, 2018 | Parties and Special Events
The Peckish Pig patio. Photo from the restaurant’s website.
You might think it was all weddings all the time around here, but I have also been known to plan other kinds of parties. In fact, the very first planning job I had was for a birthday party right here in Evanston. That was when I started researching restaurants with party rooms in town.
Well, the scene has changed over the years. Pretty much all the places I found then are gone now, but there are a lot more party rooms–enough to ensure that Evanston party-throwers have plenty of good choices.
In South Evanston there are several good choices for party rooms. Peckish Pig on Howard St. not only has a private party room that is large enough for 100 people (reception-style), but there is also a patio (and I’ve seen tents on the patio)–and their own brewery. It seems to be a popular combination. A lot of times when I go by the restaurant, the party room is in use.
For up to 50 people for dinner, Campagnola on Chicago Ave. has a quiet, second-floor party room. As I recall from the last time I was there, the only way to get up to the second floor is by stairs, so the party room is not accessible to everyone. If this is suitable for your party, though, it is a very nice room and the food is excellent.
An equally inaccessible but more casual option is the party room at Firehouse Grill. (What is it with the second-floor-no-elevator party rooms?) For a laid-back party with pub food and a bar, this would be a good choice.
Naturally, in downtown Evanston, there are even more options. Terra and Vine has a number of smaller party rooms for parties as small as 10 or as large as 140 (seated) if all the rooms are combined.
Farmhouse Evanston also has some smaller rooms. It looks like the largest dinner party they can accommodate is 55–or 65 for a reception. I haven’t been to this second-floor space, so I don’t know much more about it than what is on their website. It does look cozy.
Another downtown restaurant with small party rooms is Found Kitchen. They are able to seat as many as 50 people for dinner. I’ve heard raves about the food here, too. That’s not surprising for a restaurant that is a fixture in this city.
And then there are the tiny rooms at Hearth Restaurant. The largest room seats 30 people for dinner. The smallest one seats only 14. But sometimes that’s just the right size for your party.
Finally, Smylie Brothers Brewing Co. has more of a lounge feel in their second-floor mezzanine. You could have 85 guests there, as long as they don’t all want to sit down at once. There is also a private dining room that seats 30 guests.
As always, this is only a sample of what is available. There are other restaurants, breweries, and probably various other establishments where you can rent a room (often for only the cost of the food and beverage minimum) and throw a great party. Birthday parties, anniversary parties, baby showers, and even small weddings would be right at home in any of these locations. And you have a host of styles and menus to choose from.
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