Reception Traditions

The bride prepares to toss the bouquet. Photo by Happy Buddy PhotoArt.

One conversation I have sometimes with my clients is about reception traditions.  There are a lot of traditions, like tossing the bouquet, tossing the garter, first dance, and others.  As far as I am concerned, everything is optional, so I try to help my clients figure out what they want as part of their wedding reception and what they would rather not do.

I like to suggest to my clients that they talk over what they want to do and what they want to skip.  Sometimes, both halves of the couple want to do a particular tradition.  Sometimes, both would both rather skip it.  But sometimes, there is a split decision.  One way to come to an agreement is to ask yourselves, “What does it mean?  Why is it important?  If it is important to the other person, is there any way to make it meaningful for both of us?”  If you can make it mean something, then it might be worth doing.  You can also modify the ritual to make it suit you.  Sometimes, the more personal it is, the better.  And perhaps you have family or cultural traditions that might be good additions or substitutions.

For example, I never understood the ritual of cutting the cake and then stuffing the slice in your new spouse’s face.  Even when done neatly and politely, I didn’t see the point of it (probably because I don’t like cake much).  Then I did a little research and figured out that this ritual probably began as a symbolic nurturing of your new partner.  It could be done with bread or fruit or cake or any food. Now that I understand it this way, I find it much more meaningful.

But when it comes down to it, these are traditions of the reception, not of the wedding itself.  If you don’t do any of them, you are still going to be married at the end of the day.  For some people, it would seem strange not to do them, and so they like to include all of them.  For others, they don’t have the same meaning, so there is no reason to do them.  As I like to emphasize to my clients, if you’re the one getting married, you get to make the choice about what to do.